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A DYING BUSINESS (Fred Ebb / Norman Martin) The Chad Mitchell Trio Spoken: Funeral Directors of America, I am very deeply honored standing here; Receiving this token of your esteem, "The Funeral Director of the Year." Now I've been asked by all the delegates--and members of the board, To tell you of the funeral that won me this award. It was handled with taste and dignity, that much I can say for it; And I'm sure it will take the family twenty years to pay for it! Chorus: It was a helluva fun'ral, It was a helluva fun'ral The finest fun'ral ever booked: I had some high school juniors who passed around petunial And lilies everywhere you looked. It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral Oh, how I wish that you were there; I had ten drum majorettes doubling on the castanets It really was a lively affair It really was a lively affair. It was a helluva fun'ral, It was a helluva fun'ral The national guard showed up for me; And during the oration, they went into formation And formed the letters R.I.P. It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral I gave it all my loving care; The band was on its toes playing "Mexicali Rose", It really was a lively affair. It really was a lively affair. A tisket a tasket, Tell us about the casket Spoken: Well, I'll tell you 'bout the casket, my good friends It would-a made your poor eyes pop It was sterling silver all around and a real formica top. (Formica top, it had a formica top). Well, I'll tell you 'bout the widow, my good friends, The widow was in navy blue With a gown designed by Balenciaga, I supplied that too. (He sold the widow widow's weeds too). I held the first funeral raffle, though I don't much like to boast And I gave away a Chevrolet to the person who cried the most. (He gave away a brand new Chevrolet). I won it myself! There were eighteen jugglers by the grave to demonstrate their art And when they were done, I fired a gun to let the hoot-e-nanny start. (He fired a gun and the hoot-e-nanny begun). I was serving beer and pretzels, 'til the hot pastrami came; And I sold some souvenir hankies with the dear departed's name. (He was sellin' hankies with the dear departed's name). As a fitting finale we had the Rockettes from New York's Music Hall; As you can see, my very good friends All in all, all in all: Sung: It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral No other burial could compare; It was all done up deluxe 'n' I made forty thousand bucks, It really was a lively affair. It really was a swingin' affair

    


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