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ARE YOU BEING SERVED, SIR? Inspired by the BBC TV Series "Are You Being Served?" John Inman - 1975 (Grace Brothers. Mens Department) (Mister Humphries. Are you free?) I'm free! (Forward please) (Mind the doors. Oooopps!) Are you being served, Sir? I'm Humphries and I'm free Are you being served, Sir? What would you like to see? If you'd like some swimming trunks We've got them plain or spotty We've also got some see-through That really turn your.... (Beachwear!) Oh, these again There's plenty 'round the back And if you'd like a bit of flash Then try a plastic mac (Oooopps!) (Are you being served, Sir?) I'm Humphries and I'm free (Are you being served, Sir?) What would you like to see? (Going up!) You'd like a suit, well suit yourself Our three-piece is first class I'll find one with tight trousers That fit well 'round the.... (Kitchenwear!) Oh, these'll do I'll take them off the peg Now hold your breath and brace yourself Here comes the inside leg (Oooopps!) (Are you being served, Sir?) I'm Humphries and I'm free (Are you being served, Sir?) There's no one here but me Oh, where's me tape measure I know, I left it in my Fair Isle drawers for safety No one'd dare go in there Not without my permission, anyway Here we are Hasn't it been a funny day for drying.... manners! Your loose change, left or right I must know for the cut I'll measure you from your ankle Right up to your.... (Menswear!) I've one in tweed Thank heavens, just your size But first I'd like me hand back It's trapped between your thighs (Oooopps!) (Are you being served, Sir?) I'm Humphries and I'm free (Are you being served, Sir?) There's no one here but me I'm sorry that this fitting room Is rather dark and chilly Just try these on and mind that zip In case you catch your.... (Sportswear!) Oh, goodness me Look, someone's turned the key And if we're trapped in here all night I'm Humphries and I'm.... (Are you being served, Sir?) (He's Humphries and he's free) Got a kettle somewhere We could have a nice cup of tea (Are you being served, Sir?) (What would you like to see?) I could steam your hat for you Your brim is a bit loose (Are you being served, Sir?) (He's Humphries and he's free) I would shout for help But I've got laryngitis (Are you being served, Sir?) (What would you like to see?) (Are you being served, Sir?) (He's Humphries and he's free) Aren't you the umbrella and shoes That came in last week (Are you being served, Sir?) (What would you like to see?).......FADE (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - June 2006)

    


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