BILLERICAY DICKY
IAN DURY
IAN DURY & THE BLOCKHEADS



Good evening, I'm from Essex
In case you couldn't tell.
My given name is Dicky,
I come from Billericay
And I'm doing very well.


Had a love affair with Nina
In the back of my Cortina.
A seasoned-up hyena
Could not have been more obscener.
She took me to the cleaners
And other misdemeanours,
But I got right up between her
Rum and her Ribena.


So you ask Joyce and Vicky
If candyfloss is sticky.
I'm not a blinking thicky
I'm Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well.


I bought a lot of brandy
When I was courting Sandy;
Took eight to make her randy
And all I had was shandy.
Another thing with Sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a Mandy;
She didn't half go bandy.


So you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever took the mickey.
I'm not a flipping thicky,
I'm Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well.


I'd rendezvous with Janet
Quite near the Isle of Thanet.
She looked more like a gannet,
She wasn't half a prannet.
Her mother tried to ban it,
Her father helped me plan it,
And when I captured Janet
She bruised her pomegranate.


So you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever shaped up tricky.
I'm not a blooming thicky,
I'm Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well.


You should never pull the candle
If you don't know where it's been.
The jackpot is in the handle
On a normal fruit machine.


So you ask Joyce and Vicky
Who's their favourite brickie.
I'm not a common thicky,
I'm Billericay Dicky And I'm doing very well.


I know a lovely old toerag,
Obliging and noblesse;
Kindly Charmaine Shag from Shoeburyness.
My given name is Dicky,
I come from Billericay;
I thought you'd never guess.


So you ask Joyce and Vicky,
A pair of squeaky chickies.
I'm not a flaming thicky,
I;m Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well.


Oh golly, oh gosh,
Come lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh 
Fron Burnham-On-Crouch.
My given name is Dicky,
I come from Billericay
And I ain't a slouch.


So you ask Joyce and Vicky
About Billericay Dicky.
I ain't an effing thicky,
You ask Joyce and Vicky,
I'm doing very well.
Ha-Hah.
You ask Joyce and Vicky










(Contributed by Tony Connolly - July 2007)