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THE DIET SONG (SHEL SILVERSTEIN) Shel Silverstein - 1978 Also recorded by: Bobby Bare Breakfast, black coffee, one slice of dry toast No butter, no jelly, no jam Lunch, just some lettuce, two celery stalks No booze, no potatoes, no ham Dinner, one chicken wing, broiled not fried No gravy, no biscuits, no pie And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' Sure is a rough way to die So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune A glass of skim milk and that`s all Turn off the TV, that Big Mac commercial It's drivin` me right up the wall And I`m thinkin` of french fries, sausage and waffles Spaghetti and cookies and cake And each night I`m dreamin` of chocolate ice cream And I`m starvin` to death when I wake Supper, two pieces of cauliflower raw Some beefsteak the size of a nail One sliced tomato, a small dab of slaw I swear I ate better in jail Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose Girl, that's the least you can do Put down that candy bar while I`m singin' I`m starvin' my buns off for you You`re fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes But it's bouillon and water for me Hey, you got a lock on the refrigerator Lord knows where you`re hidin' the key While I`m starvin' for food late at night I`m starvin' for lovin` from you But you say that when I can see my own dick You`ll be glad to look at it too So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune A glass of skim milk and that's all You and Jane Fonda and old Richard Simmons Are drivin` me right up the wall Now when I am dead with the insurance paid You`ll look down at me and you`ll grin You`ll say, "Well, the boy tried and he suffered and died But don`t he look good when he`s thin", oh my This dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' Sure is a rough way to die (Contributed by Mel - February 2009)

    


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