EVERY TIME
(Eddie Jacobson / Olly Thomas / Dave Crane / Damien Green)
Butterfingers


Every time I clean my room I make another mess
Every time I miss the bus I’m late for a test
Every time I’m reincarnated it’s in the lowest form
I leave my window open every time there is a storm
Every time I have a hang over I have to go to work
Every time I masturbate dry it tends to hurt
Every time I pat a dog he bites me on the hand
Every time I talk to aliens they don’t understand
Every time I skate I get another bruise
Every time I get drunk I vomit on my shoes
Every time I scratch the needle jumps
Every time I drink milk it comes out in lumps
Every time I freestyle I just talk shit
Every time I catch the bus there’s nowhere to sit
Every time I catch the train I’m hassled for a ticket
Every time I bat in cricket first ball takes a wicket
Every time I’m drunk at a party in a toga
I pull a damn hamstring to prove I do yoga
Every time I eat I get a pain in my chest
Every time I think it’s heartburn it’s cardiac arrest
Every time I make a phone call waiting interrupts
Every time I dump a load at someone’s house it won’t flush
Every time it won’t flush it stains the ceramic
If you ever see me happy it’s because I’m manic

(Chorus)
Born to fail
Born to fail

Every time I give advice it comes out wrong
Every time I get raided my lips are on the bong
Every time I score I get shitty leaf
I was living with another hobo until he heard me dis his chief
But every time we smoke a joint I end up with the roach
Every time I skip sport I get drilled by the coach
Every time I play footy I get tackled in the dirt
And I crack another rib and it really fucking hurts
Every time I brush my teeth I find another cavity
Every time I try to fly I discover gravity
Every time I have a craving of we’re out of food
Every time we spin the bottle I’m the one who ends up nude
Every time I give a girl an orgasm she fakes
Every time I jam it in the condom breaks
Every time I gamble I lose all my chips
And every time I eat all bran I get the shits
But every time I shit it takes about an hour
And there’s never any paper so I have to have a shower
But every time I shower the towel’s already wet
And it’s not wet with water but wet with cum and sweat
Every time I pluck my pubic hairs to make my self attractive
My dick gets sore and I fuck like a spastic
Every time I write a song radio stations ban it
Because when you play my records in reverse they’re satanic
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Worship Satan
Every time I make a joke people take me serious
Every time I go down on a girl she’s on her periods
Every time I drive a car a cop will pull me over
But I say that I’m someone else and that I’m sober
Every blind date turns out to be blind
My looks are all I have and that is why I mind
Every time I have the dream where I’m at the school dance
Every one is looking at me cos I don’t have any pants
Every time we play piggy in the middle I’m the pig
Every time we play tiggy I’m the one who’s it
Every time I lick a toad I get worts on my tongue
And every time I see a killer bee it’s when I’m getting stung
Every time I play scrabble I make the word “AT”
Every wet fart leaves a stain where I sat
Every time I fuck your mum she wants it in the bum
And every time I’m done it’s not because I’ve cum
Every time I crack onto a chick I pull my sack out
Every time I try to suck my dick I put my back out
Every time I catch a wave I hit a coral reef
And every time I order vegetarian I get beef

(Chorus) x2
Born to fail (I get paid)
Born to fail (a chick is not a vegetable)



(Contributed by Adam Brooker - September 2003)