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GEE, OFFICER KRUPKE From the film "West Side Story" (1961) (Leonard Bernstein / Stephen Sondheim) Performed by: Russ Tamblyn as 'Riff' David Bean as 'Tiger' Bert Michaels as 'Snowboy' Tony Mordente as 'Action' David Winters as 'A-Rab' TIGER (IMITATING KRUPKE) Hey you! RIFF Who me, Officer Krupke? TIGER (IMITATING KRUPKE) Yeah you, gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down the station house, ya punk! RIFF Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke You gotta understand It's just our bringin' upke That gets us out of hand Our mothers all are junkies Our fathers all are drunks Golly Moses, natcherly we're punks JETS Gee, Officer Krupke We're very upset We never had the love That every child oughta get We ain't no delinquents We're misunderstood Deep down inside us there is good RIFF There is good! JETS There is good, there is good There is untapped good Like inside, the worst of us is good TIGER (IMITATING KRUPKE) That's a touching good story RIFF Lemme tell it to the world! TIGER (IMITATING KRUPKE) Just tell it to the judge RIFF Dear kindly Judge, your Honour My parents treat me rough With all their marijuana They won't give me a puff They didn't wanna have me But somehow I was had Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad SNOWBOY (IMITATING JUDGE) Right! Officer Krupke You're really a square This boy don't need a judge He needs an analyst's care It's just his neurosis That oughta be curbed He's psychologically disturbed RIFF I'm disturbed JETS We're disturbed, we're disturbed We're the most disturbed Like we're psychologically disturbed SNOWBOY (IMITATING JUDGE) Hear ye, hear ye. In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home. RIFF Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived! SNOWBOY (IMITATING JUDGE) So take him to a headshrinker. You! ACTION Who me? RIFF My daddy beats my mommy My mommy clobbers me My grand'pa is a commie My grand'ma pushes tea My sister wears a moustache My brother wears a dress Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess ACTION (IMITATING ANALYST) Yes, Officer Krupke He shouldn't be here This boy don't need a couch He needs a useful career Society's played him a terrible trick And sociologically he's sick RIFF I am sick! JETS We are sick, we are sick We are sick sick sick Like we're sociologically sick ACTION (IMITATING ANALYST) In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease. RIFF Hey, I got a social disease! ACTION (IMITATING ANALYST) So take him to a social worker RIFF Dear kindly social worker They tell me get a job Like be a soda jerker Which means I'd be a slob It's not I'm anti-social I'm only anti-work Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk A-RAB (IMITATING SOCIAL WORKER) Eek, Officer Krupke You've done it again This boy don't need a job He needs a year in the pen It ain't just a question of misunderstood Deep down inside he's no good RIFF I'm no good JETS We're no good, we're no good We're no earthly good Like the best of us is no damn good The trouble is he's lazy The trouble is he drinks The trouble is he's crazy The trouble is he stinks The trouble is he's growing The trouble is he's grown Krupke, we've got troubles of our own Officer Krupke We're down on our knees RIFF 'Cause no one wants a fella With a social disease JETS Dear Officer Krupke What are we to do? Gee, Officer Krupke Krup you!

    


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