THE HOMECOMING QUEEN'S HAS GOT A GUN 
Julie Brown, Charlie Coffey, Terrence McNally and Ray Colcord

Juile Brown


It was homecoming night at my high school
Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was really excited, I almost wet my jeans
'Cause my best friend Debbie was Homecoming Queen 

She looked so pretty in pink chiffon
Riding the float with her tiara on
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand
She looked straight out of Disneyland
You know, like the Cinderella ride
I mean definitely an E ticket 

The crowd was cheering
Everyone was stoked
I mean it was like the whole school
Was totally coked or something
The band was playing "Evergreen"
When all of a sudden somebody screamed
"Look out! The Homecoming Queen's got a gun!" 

Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen has got a gun 

Debbie's smiling and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh, Buffy's pom-pom just blew to bits
Oh no, Mitzi's head just did the splits
God, my best friend's on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbie, you're embarassing me
How could you do what you just did?
Are you having a really bad period? 

Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen has got a gun 

An hour later the cops arrived
By then the entire glee club had died
You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her
Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper 

"Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float!"
Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said
She aimed and fired and now the math teacher's dead
It's really sad, but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big test coming up next week 

Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen has got a gun 

The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float
I tried to scream "Duck," but it stuck in my throat
She hit the ground and did a flip
It was real acrobatic
But I was crying so hard, I couldn't work my Instamatic 

I ran down to Debbie
I had to find out
What made her do it
Why'd she freak out
I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear
I knew then the end was near 

So I ran down
And I said in her good ear
"Debbie, why'd you do it?"
She raised her head, smiled, and said
"I did it for Johnny!" 

Johnny? Well, like who's Johnny?
Answer me, Debbie. Who's Johnny?
Does anybody here know Johnny? 

Are you Johnny?
There was one guy named Johnny,
But he was a total geek
He always had food in his braces
Answer me, Debbie. Who's Johnny?
Oh God, this is like that move Citizen Kane
You know, where later you find out "Rosebud" was a sled
But we'll never know who Johnny was
'Cause, like, she's dead 

Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen's got a gun
Everybody run
The Homecoming Queen has got a gun






(Contributed by Staxwax - December 2008)