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OLDEST SWINGER IN TOWN, THE (Chris Newman / Ed Pickford) Fred Wedlock - 1981 Also recorded by: The Bards; Foster & Allen; The Irish Weavers. When you score with a chick in a disco bar Take her home in your hairy little car Then you find you went to school with her Ma and Pa You're the oldest swinger in town When you won't look in a mirror in the light of day Swear you dyed it when your hair turns grey When you zip up your Wranglers and your belly's in the way You're the oldest swinger in town Here you come and there you go Wide wheels, spots and a stereo But the engine's clapped, and the driver also Is the oldest swinger in town When your barber takes a little less time each week The kids don't understand a word you speak When you walk into a disco and they offer you a seat You're the oldest swinger in town You prefer a pint of mild to Bacardi and Coke The sounds are too loud and there's too much smoke You'd like another dance, but you're scared you'll have a stroke You're the oldest swinger in town Here you come with your chest all bare A little gold ingot and a lot of gold hair But the disco king meets Yogi Bear You're the oldest swinger in town When you're feeling as stiff as a skinhead's boot You rub on Vick where you used to splash Brut And the latest punk fashion is your wedding suit You're the oldest swinger in town When you have to go shopping for your sex appeal Travolta shades and nine-inch heels You say a man is just as old as the woman he feels You're the oldest swinger in town Here you come with your lips closed tight You never smile, you know it wouldn't look right 'Cause your dentures glow in ultra-violet light When you're the oldest swinger in town Oldest swinger in town And you look so mean 'Cause your pants are too tight You're the oldest swinger in town Oldest swinger in town And it takes you all night To do what you used to do all night You're the oldest swinger in town! (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - February 2016)

    


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