PLEASE MR. CUSTER 
Charlie Drake


(BS = Backing Singers:  CD = Charlie Drake)

(Shrieks and ‘Red Indian sounds’ in background)

(BS)That famous day in history
The men of the 7th cavalry went riding on
And from the rear a voice was heard
A brave young man with a trembling word
Rang loud and clear

(CD)What am I doing here?
Please Mr.Custer, I don’t wanna go
Eh, er, Mr.Custer? Please don’t make me go
I had a dream last night about the comin’ fight
Somebody yelled ‘Attack!’
And there I stood with an arrow in my back
Please Mr.Custer, I don’t wanna go
Oh-oh, oh..

(Speaks) Look at ‘em bushes out there – they’re movin’
There’s an Indian behind every one of ‘em 
Er, um, Mr.Custer, may I be excused for the rest of the afternoon, please?
Wanna change my library book
Oy watchout  - duck your head!
Oo-er, bit late on that one, son
God, I bet that don’t half hurt

(BS) They were sure of victory
The men of the 7th Cavalry as they rolled on
When from the rear a voice was heard
That same great voice with a trembling word
Rang loud and clear

(CD) What am I doing here?
Please Mr.Custer, I don’t wanna go
Er, listen, er, Mr.Custer? Please don’t make me go
There’s a redskin waitin’out there, waitin’ to cut my hair
A coward I’ve been called
But I don’t wanna wind up dead or bald
Please Mr.Custer, I don’t wanna go
Oo-errr, err-oo

(CD speaks) Now, let’s see, what’s the Indian word for ‘friend’?
Oh yes, I know – manyarna, yeah that’s it
Oy, you lot out there ‘Manyarna’
(Arrow whizzes by)  Ooo!
Oooh! - no, that ain’t it
Look at ‘em out there
Running around like a bunch of wild Indians
Bunch of wild Indians!  Hahahaha
Now this is no time for joking
(Sound of many arrows whizzing by)
Oo…oh…oo…help!
Mr Custer?
Oh my God!

(Fades)