RIGHT SAID FRED (Ted Dicks / Myles Rudge) Bernard Cribbens - 1962 "Right" said Fred "Both of us together One each end and steady as we go" Tried to shift it Couldn't even lift it We was gettin' nowhere, and so We 'ad a cup o' tea and "Right" said Fred "Give a shout to Charlie" Up comes Charlie from the floor below After strainin' Heavin' and complainin' We was gettin' nowhere, and so We 'ad a cup o' tea and Charlie had a think and he thought we ought To take off all the 'andles And the things what 'eld the candles But it did no good Well I never thought it would "Alright" said Fred "Have to take the feet off" To get them feet off wouldn't take a mo Took its feet off Even took the seat off Should have got us somewhere, but no! So Fred said "Let's 'ave another cup o' tea" And we said "Right-oh" "Alright" said Fred "Have to take the door off Need more space to shift the so-and-so" Had bad twinges Takin' off the 'inges And it got us nowhere, and so We 'ad a cup o' tea and "Right" said Fred "Have to take the wall down That there wall is gonna have to go" Took the wall down Even with it all down We was gettin' nowhere, and so We 'ad a cup o' tea and Charlie had a think and he said "Look Fred I've got a sort of feelin' If we remove the ceilin' With a rope or two We could drop the blighter through" "Alright" said Fred Climbin' up a ladder With his crowbar gave a mighty blow Was he in trouble Half a ton of rubble Landed on the top of his dome! So Charlie and me 'ad another cup o' tea And then we went 'ome SPOKEN: I said to Charlie, we'll just have to leave it standin' on the landin', that's all. You see the trouble with Fred is, he's, he's too 'asty. Now you never get nowhere if you're too 'asty. (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - June 2008)