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SELWYN FROGGITT (NEVER MIND) Title song from the TV series "Oh No It's Selwyn Froggitt" (1976-77) (Bill Dean) Bill Dean & Chorus - 1976 The Tony Mansell Singers - 1977 SERIES ONE (1976) EPISODE ONE Selwyn Froggitt is his name (Never mind) Digging is his game (Never mind) He is like a human mole when he digs a hole And he'll drive us up the pole, but never mind He stands out on his own (Never mind) He's accident prone (Never mind) Though he makes your blood run cold And you think he's brash and bold He has got a heart of gold, so never mind (So never mind) Now that I've enjoyed (Never mind) The world is his toy (Never mind) To him life is just to play, every day's a holiday He's in everybody's way, but never mind You've seen Selwyn do his stuff (Never Mind) He's ready and he's rough (Never mind) He has wrecked the hot dog stall The dart board's gone and all The urinal's off the wall, but never mind (So never mind) EPISODE TWO Here he comes again (Never mind) Like an express train (Never mind) He has got a favourite trick He moves boulders at a flick With his shovel and his pick, but never mind (So never mind) We're all sobered up (Never mind) He's always teasing Taff (Never mind) He is really at his peak when he see the firey leak And he drives us up the creek, but never mind He's as daft as a bat (Never mind) Committee's had him on the mat (Never mind) At him they threw the book He gave that old-fashioned look Still they let him off the hook (So never mind) EPISODE THREE Selwyn's gone berserk (Never Mind) With his committee work (Never mind) It makes Selwyn's day when they let him have his say But he's better out the way, so never mind (So never mind) Now he's on the showbiz scene (Never mind) He thinks he's Hughie Green (Never mind) Life is never dull and the concert room is full Oh, but that's a lot of bull, but never mind He thinks he knows the facts (Never mind) About booking top-line acts (Never mind) He gives all the stars a ring That can act or dance or sing Now he's even after Bing, but never mind (So never mind) EPISODE FOUR Selwyn thinks he's scored (Never mind) Planning trips abroad (Never mind) Stratford is his aim To share in Shakespeare's fame The Committee knows his game, so never mind (So never mind) He had no luck (Never mind) His trip cam unstuck (Never mind) It cost him very dear when his coach did not appear And the boys drank all his beer, but never mind His Mum went really spare (Never mind) When she found her larder bare (Never mind) She said, "Selwyn, you're a clot You really should be shot Your Committee's eat the lot, never mind" (So never mind) EPISODE FIVE It's Selwyn once again (Never mind) Looking for a drain (Never mind) With his plans he's on the go He's searching high and low But he really doesn't know, never mind (So never mind) He has made some awful dents (Never mind) There's a crater in the Gents (Never mind) There's old folks square and round Scarsdale's like a battleground And the greenhouse might fall down, but never mind (So never mind) EPISODE SIX Now, Selwyn had a special call (Never mind) To attend a Civic Ball (Never mind) The ticket said "For Two" But to him girls are taboo Oh, whatever will he do, never mind (So never mind) The Committee was grilled (Never mind) When his questionaire they filled (Never mind) But they didn't dot the i's, or they must have told some lies Because Vera was the prize, never mind Selwyn looked a little beaut (Never mind) In his smart magician's suit (Never mind) When they all got up to dance Two white doves flew from his pants It put Vera in a trance, never mind (So never mind) ******************** SERIES TWO (1977) EPISODE ONE If you're seeking worldly fame, never mind Selwyn Froggitt knows that game, never mind, no never mind There's excitement in his eyes as he's looking for first prize If the prize is custard pies, never mind If your dreams have gone astray, never mind, no never mind There is still another day, never mind, no never mind If your plans are all askew and you don't know what to do Except sit down and follow through, never mind, no never mind EPISODE TWO Selwyn always has a go, never mind, no never mind When he's putting on a show, never mind, no never mind His intentions are sublime, he is trying all the time And trying is no crime, never mind, no never mind Selwyn Froggitt's on the go, never mind, no never mind Just like Michaelangelo, never mind, no never mind He is never one to lurk 'round the corner, or to shirk Now it's 'Danger! Man At Work', never mind, no never mind EPISODE THREE Oh, a day trip to the sea, never mind, no never mind Makes you feel so young and free, never mind, no never mind Every Jack and every Jill will eat and drink his fill And if Selwyn pays the bill, never mind, no never mind When you're working for a cause, never mind, no never mind It is hard to win applause, never mind, no never mind It's a very bumpy ride, you will labour far and wide And if God's not on your side, no never mind You can often win the day, never mind, no never mind Maybe not the shortest way, never mind, no never mind Selwyn's critics must rescind, he just set to work and grinned Now he's blowing in the wind, never mind, no never mind EPISODE FOUR Selwyn Froggitt's back again, never mind, no never mind In the sunshine and the rain, never mind, no never mind If you're looking for a friend on whom you can depend You'll find Selwyn is the end, but never mind, no never mind Selwyn Froggitt's on the move, never mind, no never mind Selwyn Froggitt's in the groove, never mind, no never mind When he's riding on his luck, heading straight into the muck Well, the best thing is to duck, never mind, no never mind Selwyn's got a heart of gold, never mind, no never mind If he makes your blood run cold, never mind, no never mind Like in all the pantomimes, when the hour of midnight chimes He is still behind the times, never mind, no never mind EPISODE FIVE England need not be afraid, never mind, no never mind Private Froggitt's on parade, never mind, no never mind He believes a first time whack is the best form of attack If he's leading from the back, never mind, no never mind Private Froggitt will not shirk, never mind, no never mind >From the spirit of Dunkirk, never mind, no never mind See him answer Britain's call when it's backs against the wall If there's no one there at all, never mind, no never mind He's maintaining his retreat, never mind, no never mind When Private Froggitt's on the beat, never mind, no never mind He's a most courageous man, he will leap as best he can >From the fire to frying pan, never mind, no never mind EPISODE SIX If you're very much in love, never mind, no never mind Cooing like a turtle dove, never mind, no never mind When your heart is light as air, it's as well to be aware There's a somebody who cares, never mind, no never mind There is nought as queer as folk, never mind, no never mind Being worried is no joke, never mind, no never mind When there's something on your mind, you will very often find It is cruel to be kind, never mind, no never mind When the mystery's amiss, never mind, no never mind Now and then it ends in bliss, never mind, no never mind True love sometimes finds a way, whatever people say Keep your family out the way and never mind, no never mind EPISODE SEVEN Oh, a funny thing is fate, never mind, no never mind You can't tell what lies in wait, never mind, no never mind Keep the left hand in your sight, they will get you with the right >From the very greatest height, never mind, no never mind Now, the true love of a brother, never mind, no never mind Is as bad as any other, never mind, no never mind He doesn't really seek to shove you up the creek So say blessed are the weak, never mind The great day has arrived, never mind, no never mind And true love has survived, never mind, no never mind Fixing this and fixing that, you've forgotten where it's at So just wear the biggest hat and never mind, no never mind Men can go their different ways, never mind, no never mind But there's always one who stays, never mind, no never mind But you'll find there's no disgrace to stay put in the same place With a smile upon your face, never mind, no never mind (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - January 2016)

    


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