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SITTIN' UP WITH THE DEAD Ray Stevens Well out in the country, we didn't have mortuaries And so it was always customary For the undertaker to do his job And lay your kin out right there at home Yeah, the church would loan you foldin' chairs And you'd have visitation and everything right there But when the nighttime came, you'd have to sit up with the dead 'Cause it wasn't right to leave them alone Well, the last time I sat up was '65 When my old arthritic Uncle Fred died He was 97, and so stooped over The mortician couldn't straighten him out They used a logging chain to hold him down Covered that all up with a cape and a gown And didn't tell nobody in the family Cause that's the kind of stuff folks just don't wanna know about Well, we were all sittin' there, it was three in the mornin' And then there come up a cloud, a thunder, lightnin' and stormin' Well that lightnin' flashed and that thunder clapped And that chain 'round old Uncle Fred went snap Rattled and fell to the floor with a thump And Uncle Fred just sat right up. YEOW! Chorus: And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more I don't know 'bout you No, I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more No matter what you say or do They say the dead can't hurt you 'cause they already left But what they left can sure make it hurt yourself And I ain't sittin' up with the dead no more Since the dead started sittin' up, too Well, when Uncle Fred sat up, so did everyone there And there came a great partin' of the foldin' chairs And that preacher nearly knocked me down He said, "Whoa, I'm headin' out that kitchen door!" I hollered, "Fred, that kitchen ain't got no door in it!" He said, "Don't worry son, it will have in a minute!" And I ain't never seen so much Jumpin' and shovin' before And then somebody stepped on an old cat's tail He let out a scream, a screech, a wail And to say the least That howl didn't help to calm the situation down And then that lightnin' flashed and that house went black And I spoke to my feet I said, "Boys, make tracks!" And I went through that screen door lickety split for town! Well, I cut through the cemetery, fell in a hole It was Uncle Fred's grave...It was dark and cold Yeah, the town drunk dug it, and he dug it too deep And unbeknownst to me, he's still in there asleep And I'm scratchin' and jumpin' tryin to get out of that hole And he woke up and said "Might as well come over here and sit down beside me boy Cause you ain't gettin' out of here tonight!" But I did Chorus "Weren't no sense in anybody sittin' up with Uncle Fred, anyhow Uncle Fred couldn't even sit up with his own self Next time I'm just gonna send flowers! Yeah."

    


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