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TEN GUITARS Billy Connolly I like to sing James Taylor songs, and songs by Carol King. I'll even sing John Murphy songs, I'll sing anything. But when I sing in social clubs, just one thing sickens me, a wee drunk woman staggers up, and this is what she says to me. Hey Jimmy, gonna gi' us Ten Guitars? Her face has got a dozen battle scars, Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars. Oh I'm really getting sick of Ten Guitars. Guitars were made for Rock and Roll, and no' this kind of trash. Gimme a song wi' Stephen Stills, or even Johnny Cash. But just when I start out to sing, some nice wee melody, the same wee woman donners up, and this is what she says to me. Hey Jimmy, oh c'mon, gi' us Ten Guitars. Her face has got a thousand battle scars, Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars. Oh I'm really getting sick of Ten Guitars. Oh, if I could get my hands on that big balm-pot Humperdink, I'd rip his tonsils out his throat, and stuff them down the sink. Oh, I wish he'd never sang that song, or maybe something else instead, I'd love to take his ten Guitars, and wrap them around his head. Hey Jimmy, oh c'mon, gi' us Ten Guitars. Her face has got a million battle scars, Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars. Oh I'm really getting sick of Ten Guitars. I'd love to break the strings on his Ten Guitars. (Contributed by Shay Griffiths - October 2003)

    


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