THE GNU SONG
(Michael Flanders / Donald Swann)
Flanders & Swann - 1960


A year ago, last Thursday
I was strolling in the zoo
when I met a man who though he knew the lot.
He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons 
And how many spines a porcupine has got.
So I asked him:
"What's that creature there?"
He answered, "Oh, it's a h'Elk"
I might of gone on thinking that was true 
If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame
And remarked, "I h'aint a h'Elk, I'm a Gnu"

"I'm a Gnu
I'm a Gnu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I'm a Gnu
How do you do
You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho's
I'm a Gnu
Spelt G-N-U
I'm g-not a Camel or a Kangaroo
So let me introduce 
I'm g-neither man or moose
Oh g-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu"

I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-Sea
Whence I travelled on to Ashton-under-Lyne it was actually
And the second night I stayed there I was woken from a dream
That I'll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew;
A Bison? No, it's not a Bison. 
An Okapi? Unlikely, Really. A Hartebeest?
When I though I heard a voice...

"I'm a Gnu
I'm a Gnu
A g-nother gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you 
I'm a Gnu
How do you do
You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho's
I'm a Gnu
Spelt G-N-U
Call me Bison or Okapi and I'll sue
G-nor am I the least like that dreadful Hartebeest,
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, 
G-no g-no g-no, I'm a Gnu
G-no g-no g-no, I'm a Gnu"