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THE HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST ON THE BALL (Irving Berlin) Ethel Merman I was born on a thousand acres of Oklahoma land Nothing grew on the thousand acres for it was gravel and sand One day, father started digging in a field, hoping to find some soil He dug and he dug and, what do you think? Oil, oil, oil The money rolled in and I rolled out With a fortune piled so high Washington was my destination And now, who am I? I'm the chosen party giver For the White House clientele And they know that I deliver What it takes to make 'em gel And in Washington I'm known by one and all As the hostess with the mostest on the ball They would go to Elsa Maxwell When they had an axe to grind They could always grind their axe well At the parties she designed Now the hatchet grinders all prefer to call On the hostess with the mostest on the ball I've a great big bar and good caviar Yes, the best that can be found And a large amount in my bank account When election time comes round If you're feeling presidential You can make it, yes indeed There are just three things essential Let me tell you, all you need Is an ounce of wisdom and a pound of gall And the hostess with the mostest on the ball Entertaining vodka drinkers Is a job they give to me Making nice guys out of stinkers Seems to be my cup of tea What they really need behind the iron wall Is the hostess with the mostest on the ball There's a book of regulations As to who sits next to who But there might be complications When the blue blood's not so blue So the priestess with the leastest protocol Is the hostess with the mostest on the ball An ambassador has just reached the shore He's a man of many loves An important gent from the Orient To be handled with kid gloves He can come and let his hair down, ooh! Have the best time of his life Even bring his new affair down Introduce her as his wife But she mustn't leave her panties in the hall Of the priestess with the leastest Nor the hostess with the mostest With the mostest on the ball

    


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