THE TALE OF THE OYSTER (Fifty Million Frenchmen, 1929) Cole Porter Recorded by: Nancy Anderson, Harvey Fierstein, Laura Leon, Felicity Lott, Kay McCelland, Joan Morris. Samuel Ramsey, Steve Ross, K. T. Sullivan, Sarah Walker, Julie Wilson. Down by the sea lived a lonesome oyster, Ev'ry day getting sadder and moister. He found his home life awf'lly wet, And longed to travel with the upper set. Poor little oyster. Fate was kind to that oyster we know, When one day the chef from the Park Casino Saw that oyster lying there, And said "I'll put you on my bill of fare." Lucky little oyster. See him on his silver platter, Watching the queens of fashion chatter. Hearing the wives of millionaires Discuss their marriages and their love affairs. Thrilled little oyster. See that bivalve social climber Feeding the rich Mrs. Hoggenheimer, Think of his joy as he gaily glides Down to the middle of her gilded insides. Proud little oyster. After lunch Mrs. H. complains, And says to her hostess, "I've got such pains. I came to town on my yacht today, But I think I'd better hurray back to Oyster Bay." Scared little oyster. Off they go thru the troubled tide, The yacht rolling madly from side to side. They're tossed about 'til that fine young oyster Finds that it's time he should quit his cloister, Up comes the oyster. Back once more where he started from, He murmured, "I haven't a single qualm, For I've had a taste of society, And society has had a taste of me." Wise little oyster. (Contributed by Shelley Botka - September 2007)