UNCLE BERNIE'S FARM
(Frank Zappa)


Frank Zappa & The Mothers Of Invention - 1967






I'm dreaming (Oh no-o-o!) 


There's a bomb to blow yo mommy up
A bomb for your daddy too (Ouch!)
A baby doll that burps and pees
A case of airplane glue
A hungry plastic troll
To scarf yo buddy's arm
A box of ugly plastic things marked
Uncle Bernie's Farm! 


There's a little plastic congress
There's a nation you can buy (I'll take two)
There's a doll that looks like mommy
She'll do anything but cry (I seen her)
There's a doll that looks like daddy
He's a funny little man
Push a button and ask for money
There's a dollar in his hand (Check his wallet) 


We gotta send Santa Claus back to the Rescue Mission
Christmas don't make it no more
Don't you know that murder and destruction
Scream the toys in every store (Think this'll sell in New York?) 


There's a man who runs the country
There's a man who tried to think
And they're all made out of plastic
When they melt they start to stink
There's a book with smiling children
Nearly dead with Christmas joys!
And smiling in his office
Is the creep who makes the toys 


FRANK ZAPPA: We got this car, when it hits the wall you see the guy dying. Got the little plastic puddles of blood by the car. I'm dreaming! 
RAY COLLINS: He has intestines, he has plastic intestines you can
stuff back into his stomach. 
FRANK ZAPPA: There's this other thing, I've got bombs. I've got rockets, I've got a, I've got a stilson wrench and plastic brass knuckles.
RAY COLLINS: And it comes with a tape recorder with sound effects. 
FRANK ZAPPA: We got a '39 Chevy.





(Contributed by  - March 2008)