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UPTOWN POKER CLUB, THE (Jean Havez / Bert Williams / William Vodery) Jerry Reed - 1973 Well now, Bill Jackson went to ol' Dud (sic) To join the Uptown Poker Club And he cursed the day he ever told anybody he joined 'Cause his money used to go like it had wings When he had queens somebody else had kings And every night he'd just sit there donatin' all his coins He said, "Boys, now I'm gonna play it right tonight I'm gonna watch them cards and I'm gonna play 'em tight And then when I come in there, son, my hand's gonna be a peach" Well he played 'em tight but after awhile He done lost his self a considerable pile So he got mad, he stood up and he made this little speech "Now, boys, you see this razor, well I had it sharpened just today Now I'm comin' in here with my rules that everybody gonna follow when they play Now you, Clyde, you keep your hands on top of the table when you're dealing, please Quit takin' them little wild cards and stickin' em down there between your knees And Jesse, quit makin' all them funny signs like you tryin' to tip off your hand You better talk to me in American, son, American, so I can understand And Leroy, quit takin' em offa the bottom, ooh, that's rough Just take five off the top, then stop, that's enough Then pass me them cards, son, let me cut on them things every time before you deal I like to handle them things, boy, I like to see 'Cause I got news for you, lad, you ain't playin' this game accordin' to that fella Hoyle there Uh, no, tonight you're playin' this game accordin' to me" Well now a sittin' around the table in that there game There just happened to be this ol' one-eyed man And Bill kept watchin' him out of the corner of his eye This old one-eyed cat, he'd been dealin' kinda funny He done took a whole bunch of big Bill's money So Bill rose up and he looked around the room and with a sigh He said, "Hmm," said, "It's an awful shame" Said, "There's somebody cheatin' in this here game" Said, "Of course it ain't gonna do for me to stand up here and mention the guy So I'll refrain from calling that party's name But you let me catch him cheatin' just once again And I'm gonna take my fist and I'm gonna close that other eye" "Now you see this razor well I had it sharpened just today Now I'm comin' in here with my rules that everybody must follow when they play Now Clyde, you keep them bony hands up here on top of the table when you're dealin' please Don't go takin' them little wild aces, stickin' em off down there between your knees And Jesse, cut out makin' all them monkey signs, you still tryin' to tip off your hand You better talk to me in American, big AA, so's I can understand And Leroy, quit takin' em off the bottom of the deck, son, I tell ya that's rough This is an army game son, take five then halt, that's enough Then pass me them pasteboards over here, let me cut them things every time before you deal 'Cause I like to delve in there, son, I got to see But I got news for you, boys, you ain't playin this game accordin' to that fella Hoyle there, uh-uh Tonight you're playin' this game accordin' to me" "Now then, seein' as how you all know that I didn't ride in here on a head o' cabbage Henry, if you'll break out another deck of them bicycles, me and the boys will get on with the business But keep your eye on that fella wearin' the patch, he holds them cards kinda funny Ha-ha, if he ain't careful somebody around this table liable to jack his jaw Ha-ha-ha-ha, ah, son, I feel like my luck just changed (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - January 2013)

    


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