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I WANT A CASTING COUCH FOR CHRISTMAS (Jess Hotchkiss / Kay Martin) Kay Martin - 1962 I want a casting couch for Christmas One to call my very own One on which a girl could retire With an occasional piece in front of the fire So Santa, don't you be a grouch Please send me a casting couch I've been in nearly ev'ry agent's office I've been to Hollywood and back My trouble isn't always fallen arches It's my achin' sacroiliac I want a couch to call my own I've come to this decision The only wwrestling that I'd see Would be on television I want a casting couch for Christmas One to call my very own One that felt real soft to my skin And I could even get a little practice in 'Cause I don't wanna be a slouch On anybody's casting couch My manager's apartment's really soundproof Believe me you can't hear a single word Because he's working on a special theory That girls should be obscene and not heard One agent had an office That really was appealing He even had a movie script Projected on the ceiling I want a casting couch for Christmas One to call my very own My dressing room should be gold-starred So I'll take on all-comers with no holds barred So Santa, on this I'll vouch If you'll bring me a casting couch You'll be surprised how far it gets you If you show a ju some jitsu On a casting couch (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - December 2011)

    


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