I YUST GO NUTS AT CHRISTMAS
Oh I yust go nuts at Christmas, on that jolly holiday,
I’ll go in the red like a knucklehead, ‘cause I’ll squander all my pay.
Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas; shopping sure drives me berserk
On the day before I’ll walk in a store like a poor bewildered yerk!
I look at nightgowns for my wife, those black ones trimmed in red,
But I don’t know her size and so she’ll get a carpet sweeper instead.
Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas, when each kid hangs up his sock
It’s a time for kids to flip their lids while their papa goes in hock.
On the night before Christmas it’s still in the house,
My family is sleeping, so I’m quiet like a mouse.
I look at my watch, and midnight is here
I think I’ll sneak out for a cold glass of beer.
Down at the corner, the crowd is so merry
I end up my drink and about 12 Tom & Jerry’s
I get to bed late, and Gee whiz, how I’m sleeping,
When onto my bed those darn kids, they come leaping.
They sit on my face, and they yump on my belly,
And I’m quivering all over like a bowl full of yelly
They scream, “Merry Christmas!” My poor wife and me
We stumble down stairs and she lights up the tree.
My head is exploding. My mouth tastes like a pickle
I step on a skate and fall on a tricycle.
Yust before Christmas dinner I relax to a point-
Then relatives start swarming all over the yoint.
On Christmas I hug and I kiss my wife’s mother –
The rest of the year, we don’t speak to each other –
After dinner my aunt and my wife’s Uncle Louie
Get into an argument- they’re both awful screwy.
Then all my wife’s family say Louie is right,
And my goofy relations, they join in the fight!
Back in the corner, the radio is playing,
And over the racket, Gabriel Heater is saying,
“Peace on Earth, everybody, and Good will to men!”
And yust at that moment, someone slugs Uncle Ben.
We all run outside goofy so the neighbors will hear,
Oh, I’m so glad Merry Christmas comes yust once a year!
Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas, but I still have lots of fun
Yust the same as you, I enyoy it too. Merry Christmas Everyone!
(Contributed by Lee Sartain - December 2007)