THE JOLLIEST FAT MAN
(Laverne & Shirley - 1976)
Michael McKean (Lenny) David L. Lander (Squiggy)
It was Christmas Eve night at the poorhouse,
And all of the paupers were there,
I stepped in because it was snowing,
And snow always screws up my hair.
By the pot-bellied stove sat a pot-bellied man,
He spoke with some lumps in his throat,
His story was sad & his diction was bad,
And here is the song that he wrote,
I once was the jolliest fatman,
With roses in all of my cheeks,
I'd load up my sled every Christmas,
And go on a drunk for two weeks.
My friends said they saw me on rooftops,
And sliding down chimmneys at dawn,
With my reindeer in hand I would glide cross the land,
And wake up on somebodies lawn.
One morning my wife left this message,
Each Christmas I've spent by myself,
I'm sick o' your stupid tradition,
So I've run off to Spain with a elf.
Just then the old man started dying,
His screams made a law take my soul,
We went through his wallet to see who he was,
His address read simply...
So the next time you go by the poorhouse,
If by the poorhouse you go,
Just take off your hat to a dead guy whose fat,
And whisper a silent...
(Contributed by Mark Windridge - November 2007)