YOU CAN'T DO THAT THERE HERE

I'm going to sing a nonsense song, no doubt you'll think it weird.
The jokes are either very new or else have grown a beard.
The Town Clerk came on Saturday to our annual dinner,
But when he pulled his knitting out we shouted, “Mr Skinner -

Chorus: Oh you can't do that there here,
        No, You can't do that there here.
        Anywhere else you can do that there,
        But you can't do that there here.

The shades of night were falling fast, the fire bell gaily rang.
The engine started with a whirl and pulled up with a bang.
The fire was out when they arrived but in rushed Fireman Tanners.
A female voice said, 'Where's my clothes?'. Said the fireman, 'Where's your manners'.

Chorus

A policeman saw a couple in the park, the other week
As he passed by he heard the lady give a little squeak
The policeman shone his lantern on the couple in the dark,
And said, 'Now, what's going on in this 'ere public park?

Chorus

Jimmy Longshot went to see Lord Thomas Ticklemouse.
Of course he was the honoured guest  and came to shoot the grouse.
The shots were fast and furious, when someone shouted, “Jimmy -
You've missed the grouse and gone and shot his lordship in the spinney'.

Chorus

A police Inspector passing by a nudist colony, 
Was peeping through the garden gate for curiosity.
He saw a lady passing by a-taking off her necklace.
He said, 'I'll lose my eyesight Miss, you shouldn't be so reckless'.

Chorus

Aunty Gerty's eighty-six and fit for anything.
She got engaged last Wednesday week to dear old Dr King.
The other night the old man said, 'I hope I don't intrude, Dear,
Let's have a game of Tiddlywinks'. Said she, 'Oh don't be rude, Sir'.

Chorus





(Transcribed by John Worthington - October 2015)