ASK A P'LICEMAN
(A E Durandeau (m) E W Rogers (l) 1889)




P'lice force is a noble band that safely guard our streets,
Their valour is unquestion'd and they're noted for their "feats".
If anything you wish to know, they'll tell you with a grin;
In fact each one of them is a complete "Enquire Within".

If you want to know the time,
Ask a p'liceman!
The proper Greenwich time,
Ask a p'liceman!
Ev'ry member of the force
Has a watch and chain of course.
If you want to know the time,
Ask a p'liceman!

If you stay out late at night and and pass through regions queer,
Thanks to those noble guardians, of foes you have no fear.
If drinks you want and "pubs" are shut, go to the man in blue.
Say you're thirsty and good natured, and he'll show you what to do.

If you want to get a drink,
Ask a p'liceman!
He'll manage it I think,
Will a p'liceman!
He'll produce the flowing pot
If the "pubs" are shut or not.
He could open all the lot;  
Ask a p'liceman!

If your servant suddenly should leave her cosy place,
Don't get out an advertisement her wherabouts to trace.
You're told it was a soldier who removed her box of clothes;
Don't take the information in, but ask the man who knows.

If you don't know where she is, ask a p'liceman!
For he's in the "know" he is,  Asl a p'liceman!
Though they say with "red" she flew,
Yet it's ten to one on "blue",
For he mashes just a few.
Ask a p'liceman!

And if you're getting very stout your friends say in a trice:
"Consult a good physician, and he'll give you this advice
Go in for running all you can, no matter when or how;
And if you had a trainer, watch a bobby in a row.

If you want to learn to run,
Ask a p'liceman!
How to fly, though twenty "stun",
Ask a p'liceman!
Watch a bobby in a fight,
In a tick he's out of sight;
For advice on rapid flight,
Ask a p'liceman!

Or if you're called away from home, and leave your wife behind,
You say, "Oh!  Would that I a friend to guard the house could find,
And keep my love in safety".  But let all your troubles cease;
You'll find the longed-for keeper in a member of the p'lice.

If your wife should want a friend,
Ask a p'liceman!
Who watchful eye will lend,
Ask a p'liceman!
Truth and honour you can trace,
Written on his manly face.
When you're gone he'll mind your place.
Ask a p'liceman!



(Contributed by Peter Akers - January 2016)