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BALLAD OF SPOTTY MULDOON, THE (Cook / Moore) Peter Cook & The Dudley Moore Trio - 1965 There've been many spotty people in the history of mankind Some are born spotty, some achieve spottiness And some have spottiness thrust upon them But there is one whom Heaven has blessed With far more spots than all the rest His name by now you will have guessed It is, of course, Muldoon Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon He's got spots all over his face Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon He's got spots all over the place He's so spotty is Spotty Muldoon He's got spots where others have not He's so blotchy is Spotty Muldoon Oh, what a lot of spots he's got He's unbelievably spotty! A leopard cannot change his spots And nor can a Muldoon Of ointments, he has tried the lot Drunk medicine by the spoon But his face remains as ravaged As the craters of the Moon Poor old Spotty Muldoon Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon He's got spots all over his face Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon He's got spots all over the place Of course, the worst thing about it Is that he can't get hold of women Whenever Spotty's out under the Moon with a lovely lady As soon as he tries to get romantic They always say things like "D'you know, Mr. Muldoon, you're unbelievable spotty" So Spotty wears a paper bag to cover up his head He very seldom takes it off, not even in his bed And sometimes in the evenin' Round about half-past-eleven usually He wishes he was dead Poor old Spotty Muldoon Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon He's got spots all over his face Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon He's got spots all over the place They say that those who suffer in this world Will be rewarded in the life to come So, when Sptty leaves this mortal coil And goes up into that great spot beyond the skies He'll probably find that fashions are different up there And suddenly he'll be in demand So, when Spotty gets to Heaven As Spotty will one day He'll find that spots are all the rage Along the Milky Way And a million acne'ed angels Will gather round and say Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon You've got spots all over your face Spotty Muldoon, Spotty Muldoon You've got spots all over the place Good old Spotty, Spotty Muldoon How we love your heavenly spots We're all potty for Spotty Muldoon The fabiest, trendiest, loveliest, geariest Swingin'ist, sexiest, spottiest Angel of the lot! And that's Spotty! (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - February 2017)

    





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