BANG WENT THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME
George Robey


Now old aunt Rebecca is rich;
She's the Dowager Duchess of Diddle. 
When she dies I inherit a million or so, 
But the old girl's as fit as a fiddle.
Whilst gunning the moors on the twelfth, 
In a quiet lonely spot by the sea,
I saw someone there by the cliff, I declare, 
'Twas the Dowager Duchess of D! 

CHORUS:
At that critical moment some birds came in sight, 
So I upped with my gun and I blazed left and right; 
And I nearly hit auntie! Yes-nearly, not quite! 
And bang went the chance of a lifetime. 

SPOKEN: 'Twas a pity, I say, 'twas a pity, I might have 
struck her with one of the pellets-however: 

Returning one night from a ball,
In a mellowish mood and reflective,
I saw a strange light in a bank-I said, "Ha! 

SPOKEN: Like that, "Ha!" (exaggerated surprise) 

I'll play Sherlock Holmes the detective."
A half-open window I spied,
And inside I proceeded to slip;
There a burglar I saw forcing wide the safe door,
So I held him in muscular grip! 

CHORUS:
But he slipped and he bunked, he was wiry and thin; 
And the safe was wide open and slap full of "tin"!
I drew a deep breath-then two coppers rushed in! 
And bang went the chance of a lifetime. 

SPOKEN: 'Twas a pity, I say, 'twas a pity, I might have got 
some of the, er, however, Oh, I hardly like to tell you the, 
er, personal, however- 

Now the wife and her mother (Spoken: Oh, the mother!), last June, 
Went to stay with the Marquis de Caxey, (Spoken: She's alright, too-) 
So I saw them safe off in a taxi.
At somewhere about ten o'clock
Came a telegram-Heavens alive!-
Poor dear Ma and the wife! Fearful smash! Loss of life!
Total wreck of the eight-forty-five! 

CHORUS:
'Twas a terrible crash, eighty passengers slain!
And I manfully struggled my tears to restrain,
When the ghastly news reached me-they'd both missed the train! 
And bang went the chance of a lifetime! (Sobs) 

Once I courted a sweet winsome wench
(Amorous sighs) 
She was nineteen and also an heiress, 
(It's nice when a girl is a Venus galore 
And also a millionairess!)
I wooed her, I wooed, I won (Spoken: Wow, wow) 
"My darling," she said, "I am thine!" (Sighs) 
She swore she'd be true (Spoken: Get away!) 
So I thought I would too;
What do you think? I thought it was fine! 

CHORUS:
My sweet Hyacinth, fairest of flowers that blow! 
(With a millionaire Pa in Chicago, what ho! )
So I put up the banns, then the wife got to know, 
And bang went the chance of a lifetime.