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BANG WENT THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME George Robey Now old aunt Rebecca is rich; She's the Dowager Duchess of Diddle. When she dies I inherit a million or so, But the old girl's as fit as a fiddle. Whilst gunning the moors on the twelfth, In a quiet lonely spot by the sea, I saw someone there by the cliff, I declare, 'Twas the Dowager Duchess of D! CHORUS: At that critical moment some birds came in sight, So I upped with my gun and I blazed left and right; And I nearly hit auntie! Yes-nearly, not quite! And bang went the chance of a lifetime. SPOKEN: 'Twas a pity, I say, 'twas a pity, I might have struck her with one of the pellets-however: Returning one night from a ball, In a mellowish mood and reflective, I saw a strange light in a bank-I said, "Ha! SPOKEN: Like that, "Ha!" (exaggerated surprise) I'll play Sherlock Holmes the detective." A half-open window I spied, And inside I proceeded to slip; There a burglar I saw forcing wide the safe door, So I held him in muscular grip! CHORUS: But he slipped and he bunked, he was wiry and thin; And the safe was wide open and slap full of "tin"! I drew a deep breath-then two coppers rushed in! And bang went the chance of a lifetime. SPOKEN: 'Twas a pity, I say, 'twas a pity, I might have got some of the, er, however, Oh, I hardly like to tell you the, er, personal, however- Now the wife and her mother (Spoken: Oh, the mother!), last June, Went to stay with the Marquis de Caxey, (Spoken: She's alright, too-) So I saw them safe off in a taxi. At somewhere about ten o'clock Came a telegram-Heavens alive!- Poor dear Ma and the wife! Fearful smash! Loss of life! Total wreck of the eight-forty-five! CHORUS: 'Twas a terrible crash, eighty passengers slain! And I manfully struggled my tears to restrain, When the ghastly news reached me-they'd both missed the train! And bang went the chance of a lifetime! (Sobs) Once I courted a sweet winsome wench (Amorous sighs) She was nineteen and also an heiress, (It's nice when a girl is a Venus galore And also a millionairess!) I wooed her, I wooed, I won (Spoken: Wow, wow) "My darling," she said, "I am thine!" (Sighs) She swore she'd be true (Spoken: Get away!) So I thought I would too; What do you think? I thought it was fine! CHORUS: My sweet Hyacinth, fairest of flowers that blow! (With a millionaire Pa in Chicago, what ho! ) So I put up the banns, then the wife got to know, And bang went the chance of a lifetime.


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