(Milligan / Carbone)
The Goons - 1956
Big musical introduction.
Sound of door opening, and Bluebottle (B) runs up to microphone,
where Segoon (S) is waiting.
B: Oh! Hello everybody!
S: Just the lad I've been looking for.
S: Clamber in my head, Fred Whence all but you have fled, Fred There
is no contesting, I've no way of manifesting How much I'd prefer you
B: Oh I'm glad you like me, my Captain Because I trust you too.
S: Gratifiy your wim, Jim.
B: Jim? What happened to Fred?
S: He changed his name.
B: What to?
S: Chunky. Tell me, can you swim Jim?
B: No, Jim can not swim.
S: Then step upon this plank, son On the river bank, son Which I have
carefully arranged so it will suddenly tip up and throw you into
thirty feet of muddy water when you upset the trim by stepping on the
B: I say, it's not for deading me, is it Captain?
S: Oh course not, dear boy! Just walk along it a bit further!
B: Righty-ho then. Ahh. Here I am on the edge of the nice little
wooden-type plank. It is a lovely day for a naughty blank.
Arg! Oh! YAHHH! You've drowneded me. I do not like this game.
I've got those "When I say I trust you I do not want to be drownded
because I do not like those kind of game" Blues. I don't like tricks
that go sploogy-splat (They say harm can come to a young lad like
that) And I do not like explosions that blow me back to Christmas (?)
Out of my el-seaside pudding queue (???) I don't like being wetted by
nasty April showers And I do not like being nutted by Eifel and
Blackpool towers So I do not want to be drowned, nutted, deaded,
hitteded, splatted pledded! I don't like that kind of type blues -- I
don't like that I've got them Bluebottle Blues.
S: Still alive? Take this cigarette, pet.
B: Oh ta
S: No, don't light it yet, pet. All right, now you can light
B: Are you sure I won't be deaded or nothing, Captain?
S: No, no -- don't be frightened!
B: All right then, I'll just put a match to it, and ....
< over explosion > You rotten swine you! You deaded me again. I
shan't play this rotten game no more. Picks up fretted knee caps,
replaces lugging lug hole And exists through little hole in middle of
(Milligan, unaccompanied) I'm walking backwards for Christmas -- oh
no, that's on the other side!