BUY MY LITTLE TEN-A-PENNY PILLS
(Bacon)


Max Bacon - 1938





Walk Up!  Walk Up!
Each Mister, Missus or Miss
Walk Up!  Walk Up!
And get such a load of this
I may be gone tomorrow
But you'll find me 'ere today
I bring you health
So listen to the things I got to say

Did you ever got rheumonia or pneumatics
Did your children got the chilblains or the chills
Doesn't matter what you got, here's a way to cure the lot
Ho-Ho, buy my little ten-a-penny pills

Do you ever keep awake when you are sleeping
Or does night starvation put you through the mills
If your hillness it should be a housemaid on the knee
Ho-Ho, buy my little ten-a-penny pills

These pills are good for ladies and for women
The finest pills the world has ever known
I took them 'cause I knew they're good for slimming
And now I weigh just only twenty stone

Do you suffer from the mumps or crooner's tonsils
Floating specs before the heyes or other hills
Now if you should want the flu to flew away from you
Ho-Ho, buy my little ten-a-penny pills

Ladies and Gestcustomers, you all know me
Doctor Professor Maximilian Bacon
What has stood in this market place
Since the last twenty-five years come next Octember
Before I started to stood here
I was an RSVP from the University of Oxford, uh, Circus
What is an RSVP, go away you kids, go on, run away
Yes, I gradumacated with honours in Chemistry and Chemistry
And I got my degrees in  Bonot...Botany and Monotony

Now, you peoples may think you're in good health, are you?
Is your funicula heart rate pumping a regular supply
Of paragoric acic into you Massachusetts gland?
You don't know, I don't know
But my ten-a-penny pills, they know
Yes, these pills will cure anything what you've got
And anything what you going to get
This I can say without any fear of contraception

As for example, do you suffer from bad breathing?
Ah-hah, that's terrible, because breathing is a necessity to life
If we don't breathe, the world don't go on
Buy mien pills and they will make you breathe better
Now, also with mien pills I give you some breathing exercises
Like this, do it hafter me, one, breathe in through the nose
Two, breathe out through the mouth and vice virtue

And when you've bought mien pills
This is what you can do with them
Take them on an empty stomach
If they roll off, then you can take them on your back
Yes, mien pills are wonderful
They are obsolutely grammateed to cure anything
>From Saint Vitus Dance to the Big Apple

You got a pain inside you, Little Mary
Then take mien pills, that's very good advice
They're good for cats and dogs and your canary
And they clear your house from any rats or mice

Even if your best friends do not like to tell you
If you feel so bad that life has lost its thrills
Don't me miserable, instead cheer up, you'll soon be dead
If you buy my little ten-a-penny pills






(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - April 2015)