DENTIST
From the show "Little Shop Of Horrors" (1982)
(Alan Menken / Howard Ashman)
Steve Martin


When I was young and just a bad little kid, 
My momma noticed funny things I did. 
Like shootin' puppies with a BB-Gun. 
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done, 
I'd find a pussy-cat and bash in it's head. 
That's when my momma said... 
(What did she say?) 
She said my boy I think someday 
You'll find a way 
To make your natural tendencies pay... 

You'll be a dentist. 
You have a talent for causing things pain! 
Son, be a dentist. 
People will pay you to be inhumane! 

You're temperment's wrong for the priesthood, 
And teaching would suit you still less. 
Son, be a dentist. 
You'll be a success. 

"Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque." 
"Watch him suck up that gas. Oh My God!" 
"He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good." 
"Who wants their teeth done by the Marqui DeSade?" 

"Oh, that hurts! Wait! I'm not numb!" 
"Eh, Shut Up! Open Wide! Here I Come!" 

I am your dentist. 
And I enjoy the career that I picked. 
I'm your dentist. 
And I get off on the pain I inflict! 

When I start extracting those mollars 
Girls, you'll be screaming like holy rollers 

And though it may cause my patients distress. 
Somewhere...Somewhere in heaven above me... 
I know...I know that my momma's proud of me. 
"Oh, Momma..." 

'Cause I'm a dentist... 
And a success! 

"Say ahh..." 
"Say AHhhh..." 
"Say AAARRRHHHH!!!" 
"Now Spit!"