(DOIN' IT) THE HARD WAY
From the film "Duffy's Tavern" (1945)
(Jimmy Van Heusen / Johnny Burke)
Betty Hutton (Film Soundtrack) - 1945
At the early age of three
It first occured to me
A girl should always try to improve herself
While the others played with toys
I practiced charm and poise
And finished Dr. Elliot's five foot shelf
I exercised each morning
Cold creamed my face each night
Saw my dentist twice a year
Curbed my appetite
And so I modestly admit
It didn't help one single bit!
Some girls can make any man dream
By flashin' an innocent gleam.
Me, I do and hiccup, curl my upper lip up
Light a roman candle and scream
I have to do it the hard way
Some girls can wear any old rags
And capture the wolves and the stags.
Me, I dress in sables, walk across the tables
Waving three American flags
I have to do it the hard way
Let's say there's a dance
They're playing a waltz
And I want romance
That's when I begin turnin' somersaults
Some girls can keep men on their toes
By smilin' and throwin' a rose,
Me, I wrack my noodle, whistle "Yankee Doodle"
Balancing a broom on my nose
Oh, Im a-tellin' you why
I have to do it the hard way
My freshman year in college
I remember I was mild
I wore pretty clothes, got an A in Geometry
A normal child
But nobody wanted to date me
I'd sit at home and dream
So in order to get attention
I had to scream
The fellas liked girls who wore perfume
So I bought Forbidden Flower
But I had to mix it with ether
To get them in my power
I didn't wanna go crazy
But I ain't kidding, Jack
Since that time I'm telling you I'm
A raving, ranting, impetuous, panning, violent maniac
The girls who read books and wear specs
Get fellas with great intellects
Me, I get fanatics
Guys who live in attics
Yes, I even pick up the checks
I have to do it the hard way
Suppose there's a park
A boy on a bench
I'm out for a lark
So I make him fall with a monkey wrench
When someone like Hedy Lamarr
Steps into the swankiest bar
All the fellas get up
Light her cigarette up
Me, I'd have to smoke a cigar
And then they call me a car
Doin' everything the hard way!
(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - October 2009)
