DOTTY THE CUCKOO
Captain Beaky & His Band
(featuring Noel Edmonds)
Dotty a short-sighted cuckoo
Laid an egg in a discarded hat
A silly mistake, but easy to make
When your eyesight's as dodgy as that
An elderly tramp passed and saw it
And said "It's your lucky day Fred
A discarded hat, I think I'll have that
It's just the right size for me head"
Three weeks, night and day, Fred wore it
Til one day, in the pub with a beer
The hat rose, then fell, and Fred with a yell
Said "There's something just nibbled me ear!"
An old lady fainted, the barman went white
As a small yellow beak came in view
And the purple-nosed colonel said "Heavens, I'm tight
And it's only a quarter to two"
The hat was removed to reveal a small bird
Cried the landlord "Quick, phone reporters"
Said the bird "When you do, give my name
I'm Size Two, Harrods, Six and Three Quarters"
(Contributed by Andy & Mogg - February 2004)