GIGGLING GERTIE - THE LAUGHING TRAFFIC WARDEN
"An update of Charles Penrose's "Laughing Policeman")


Bernard Cribbens






I know a traffic warden, she's always on our street
She's blonde and fat with yellow hat and very hard to beat
Just park an extra minute and she'll pop up all in smiles
When she's 'andin' you a ticket you can 'ear 'er laugh for miles


(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah) 


She's marvellous, ain't she
The kids 'round here call her 'Giggling Gertie'
Look at 'er, she's like a stranded whale
Ha, gor blimey!


She laughs while she is watching for another traffic crime
She yells with glee if she can see the hand go overtime
You run to feed the meter, but she's always got there first
Stickin' somethin' on your windscree, still laughin' fit to burst


(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah) 


She's marvellous
Ev'rytime she bumps, she bounces
And you notice that at no time do her arms leave her body


A driver tried to woo her to avoid a parking fine
He said, "It's dark, let's have a lark, come, press your lips to mine"
So, she let him stop her laughin' as beside the car they lay
Then at last she said, "I'll 'ave to laugh, they've towed your car away"


(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)


There used to be two of 'em, ya know
But her mate got run over
She laughed so much, she was off work for three weeks 


So, if you should ever see her as she prowls around the place
Find if you can, with car or van, a lawful parking space
For while she's only laughing at a simple meter fine
You'll 'ave 'er in hysterics on a double yeller line


(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
There she goes again
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
Ain't it marvellous
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
I don't care, it's not my car
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)


(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
You resistable old bat
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
Why don't you get a proper job
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)
I 'ope you break your knicker elastic
(Ah, hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah)




(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - June 2008)