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HOME WAS NEVER LIKE THIS (Words by A. Seymour Brown / Music by Albert Gumble, 1915) Hiram was a farmer from way up the state He came to the city and thought it was great. He brought his bank-roll and his best Sunday suit, And when he doll'd all up, Oh! he was cute! Hiram met a stranger, one night on Broadway And of course she took him in to a cafe; People dancing there; Hiram said, "I declare! That's my middle, ding bust it!" Hiram said, "I'm out just to have a good time, I don't care for money so "zip" goes a dime! I'll send a wire up home and tell them right now, If you are short of change why just sell a cow!" Ev'ry time the music would give him a chance, Hiram grab'd a chicken and started to dance. He'd yell "This is great!" I'll learn to hesitate, If I break a leg, by golly!" Come on and dance with me, Come on and dance with me, I feel as young as a boy! I want to learn each gol darn step that they do Teach me ev'ry one that is new! I want to learn the whirls, Dance with the pretty girls, Don't mind the steps that I miss; (Spoken) I'll get it! Here's where I'm going to stay, I'll give the farm away, Home was never like this!


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