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IF I WERE A MOOSE Fred Small If I were a moose and you were a cow Would you love me anyhow? Would you introduce me to your folks Would you tell your friends "No moose jokes!" If I were a moose and you were a cow. Would you invite me to your club And risk a cruel bovine snub Would you lead me down the receiving line And boldly boast "This moose is mine!" Would your parents watch us graze Shake their heads, "It's just a phase" Or would they thank the stars above Their precious heifer's found her love? Would your grandparents change their will? They'd really expected a Holstein bull "For this we toiled before the plow -- You bring home someone who's not even a cow. There's lot's of proper stock around Like that nice young Guernsey at Farmer Brown's Or that last one we ridiculed and cursed On second thought you could do worse. But if you think this thing will last Could he learn to moo and eat our grass Shed his antlers in the dirt Could you persuade him to convert?" If our anatomies did not quite fit Would you make the best of it Would you nuzzle up so near And hum sweet cow tunes in my ear? Or would you sadly break it off When all the hillside sneered and scoffed "You know those moose are all the same They're lazy, they're stupid, they come from Maine." It's true things slip a moose's mind That cows remember all the time Bulbous nose and knobby knees A coat that harbors ticks and fleas But a moose can be a handy thing When hungry wolves come visiting In icy gust of winter storm Our fur is deep and dry and warm. And someday should your milk run dry And farmer stare with baleful eye In dead of night I'd slip your noose And lead you home to the land of moose If I were a moose and you were a cow. If hunters came to do me harm Would you hide me in the barn Would all the herd come on the run And glare until they dropped their guns? Might you permit a goodnight kiss Could you learn to love wet moose lips? If I were a moose and you were a cow If you were a cow and I were a moose.


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