I WISH I WAS A LESBIAN
(Wainwright)
Loudon Wainwright III - 1995


I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go,
And all their yucky yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo!
I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I'd sleep with women only. Man, it would be great.
I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate.
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!

I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd hang with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike.
I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke!

I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung.
It shouldn't really matter how somebody is hung.
Other things are more important - like how you use your tongue!
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung!

I dare Casey Kasem to play this!

I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go,
And all their yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo
(I hate that machis'mo!)
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero.