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KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES Rutherford Elliott as recorded by Gracie Fields 1938 There's a family called Joneses come live next to us, And they're causing our family no end of fuss! They're very posh people, you know by their clothes, He wears plus-fours and she talks down 'er nose! We used to be happy till they came our way, Now everything's altered, I'm sorry to say. 'Cause we've got to keep up with the Joneses, We do just whatever they do. They're so very cork-tipped That mother got pipped And said we would show them oo's oo! When dinner is ready ma bangs on a gong, She puts in her aitches and gets 'em all wrong! And dad says 'e might 'ave a bath before long, 'Cause we've got to keep up with the Joneses! Yeah, we've got to keep up with the Joneses, Last Monday was their washing day, And when mother saw What Mrs Jones wore, Well, she bought a pair right away! Dad said, "Aren't you cold in them thin celanese?", Said mother, "I was, till I hit on this wheeze! I'm wearing me fleecy ones underneath these, 'Cause we've got to keep up with the Joneses!". Now dad goes off to work in a collar so neat, But 'e snatches it off when 'e gets down the street! Jones kisses 'is wife when he goes off to biz, So dad says, "I'm 'avin' a basin o' this!". And just to make sure 'e's doin' things swell, 'E kisses the dog and the tomcat as well! 'Cause we've got to keep up with the Joneses, They really are terribly swell! It gave us a jar When old Jones got a car, So we 'ad to 'ave one as well! One Saturday evening dad brought it across, But we lost it the following morning because The fella who owned it found out where it was, But we've got to keep up with the Joneses! Yes, we've got to keep up with the Joneses, Our manners improve every day. Even grandma says "Pardon!" And runs down the garden When her food has gone down the wrong way. Our Gert gave Bert such a sloshin' one night, She said, "Stop that scratchin' , it isn't polite. When there's company present you just let 'em bite, 'Cause we've got to keep up with the Joneses, Joneses, Joneses, Joneses, Oh, darn those Joneses! (Transcribed by Peter Akers - June 2013)


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