MAME
(Music & Lyrics : Jerry Herman)


ACT ONE

1.OVERTURE 
(Instrumental)

2.ST. BRIDGET 
Agnes Gooch:
Saint Bridget, deliver us to Beekman Place,
Away from the wicked and depraved;
A gray head is peeping through the curtain lace,
Calling "Come ye inside, where you'll be saved."
She's baked him a cherry pie and glazed a ham,
Her dear arms reach out for his embrace;
So if you have pity on this poor lost lamb,
God love you, dear Saint Bridget, deliver us to
Bee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eekman Place
[speaking]
Sing with me Patrick, it will keep up your courage!
Agnes and Young Patrick:
So if you have pity on this poor lost sheep,
God love you, dear Saint Bridget, deliver us to
Bee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eekman Place

3.IT'S TODAY 
Mame:
Light the candles,
Get the ice out,
Roll the rug up,
It's today.
Though it may not be anyone's birthday,
And though it's far from the first of the year,
I know that this very minute has history in it, we're here!
All:
It's a time for making merry,
And so I'm for making hay.
Mame:
Tune the grand up,
Dance your shoes off,
Strike the band up,
It's today!
All:
And we're living
In the world game,
So this whole game's
What we make.
Mame:
Call the cops out,
Raise the rockets,
Pull the stops out,
All:
Pull out the stops,
It's today
Light the candles,
Fill the punch bowl,
Throw confetti,
It's today.
Girls:
Life can also be lived on a weekday,
So don't depend on a holiday date,
If you need New Year's to bubble,
Then order a double and wait.
Doo doo doo doo dah
All:
There's a "thank you" you can give life,
If you live life all the way.
Pull the stops out,
Hold the roof down,
Mame:
Fellows watch out,
It's today.
All:
It's a time for making merry,
And so I'm for making hay.
Tune the grand up,
Call the cops out,
Strike the band up,
Pull the stops out,
Hallelujah!
It's today!

4.IT'S TODAY - REPRISE 1 
Mame:
Light the sparklers,
Crash the cymbals,
Blow the bugle,
It's today.
Someone gave me a wonderful present,
Something I needed and yet never knew,
So start to whistling and clapping,
'Cause under the wrapping was you!
All:
And we'll give life
Quite a tumble,
And we'll live life
All the way.
Call the cops out,
Raise the rocket,
Pull the stops out,
It's today!

5.OPEN A NEW WINDOW 
Mame:
Open a new window,
Open a new door,
Travel a new highway,
That's never been tried before;
Before you find you're a dull fellow,
Punching the same clock,
Walking the same tight rope
As everyone on the block.
The fellow you ought to be is three dimensional,
Soaking up life down to your toes,
Whenever they say you're slightly unconventional,
Just put your thumb up to your nose.
And show 'em how to dance to a new rhythm,
Whistle a new song,
Toast with a new vintage,
The fizz doesn't fizz too long.
There's only one way to make the bubbles stay,
Simply travel a new high way,
Dance to a new rhythm,
Open a new window ev'ry day!
If you follow your Auntie Mame
I'll make this vow, my little love,
That on the last day of your life
You'll be smiling the same young smile
You're smiling now, my little love,
If you wake up ev'ry mornin'
And you pull aside the shutter,
And you promise me that these'll be
The first words that you utter
Open a new window,
Open a new door,
Travel a new highway,
That's never been tried before;
Before you find you're a dull fellow,
Punching the same clock,
Walking the same tight rope
As everyone on the block.
The fellow you ought to be is three dimensional,
Soaking up life down to your toes,
Mame and Agnes:
Whenever they say you're slightly unconventional,
Patrick:
Just put your thumb up to your nose.
Mame and All:
And show 'em how to dance to a new rhythm,
Whistle a new song,
Toast with a new vintage,
The fizz doesn't fizz too long.
There's only one way to make the bubbles stay,
Simply travel a new high way,
Dance to a new rhythm,
Open a new window ev'ry day!
All:
Open a new window,
Open a new door,
Travel a new highway,
That's never been tried before;
Before you find you're a dull fellow,
Punching the same clock,
Walking the same tight rope
As everyone on the block.
The fellow you ought to be is three dimensional,
Soaking up life down to your toes,
Whenever they say you're slightly unconventional,
Just put your thumb up to your nose.
And show 'em how to dance to a new rhythm,
Whistle a new song,
Toast with a new vintage,
The fizz doesn't fizz too long.
There's only one way to make the bubbles stay,
Simply travel a new high way,
Dance to a new rhythm,
Whistle a new love song,
Toast with a new vintage,
Open a new window ev'ry day!

6.THE MAN IN THE MOON 
Mame:
Oh, Vera, I can't wait to hear that Overture,
Tell me about the show!
Vera:
Well, well, it's this terribly modern operetta about a lady astronomer,
who make a universe shaking discovery.
Chorus:
Oooooh Aaaaaaaaah...
vERA:
I have a little secret I'd like to impart.
That I hope doesn't give you too much of a start;
Tho' it's shocking, it's completely true.
I know it isn't gossip, or rumor, of course,
For I've had it from quite a reliable source
And I'd like to pass it on to you.

The man in the moon is a lady,
A lady in lipstick and curls;
The cow that jumped ovah cried,
"Jumpin' Jehovah,
I think it's just one of the girls."
She winks at the stars from her bed of green cheese,
That isn't a night-gown,
It's a Saturn chemise.
Oh, her friends are the stars and the planets,
She sends the Big Dipper a kiss;
So don't ever offend her,
Remember her gender,
The man in the moon is a miss.

7.MY BEST GIRL (MY BEST BEAU) 
Young Patrick:
You're my best girl and nothing you do is wrong,
I'm proud you belong to me;
And if a day is rough for me,
Having you there's enough for me.
And if someday another girl comes along,
It won't take her long to see,
That I'll still be found, just hanging around
My best girl.
Mame:
You're my best beau, you're handsome and brave and strong,
There's nothing we two can't face;
If you're with me, whatever comes,
We'll see that trouble never comes.
And if someday another beau comes along
Determined to take your place,
I hope he's resigned to falling behind,
My best beau.
Mame And young Patrick:
And if someday when everything turns out wrong,
You're through with the human race,
Come running to me,
Mame:
For I'll always be
Your best girl...
Young Patrick:
My best girl!

8.WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS 
Mame:
Haul out the holly;
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Fill up the stocking,
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
It hasn't snowed a single flurry,
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry;
So climb down the chimney;
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.
Slice up the fruitcake;
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.
For I've grown a little leaner,
Grown a little colder,
Grown a little sadder,
Grown a little older,
All:
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder,
Need a little Christmas now.
Mame:
Haul out the holly;
Well, once I taught you all to live each living day.
All:
Fill up the stocking,
Young Patrick:
But Auntie Man, it's one week from Thanksgiving Day now.
All:
But we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
Agnes:
It hasn't snowed a single flurry,
But Santa, dear, we're in a hurry;
Ito:
So climb down the chimney;
Put up the brightest string of lights I've ever seen.
All:
Slice up the fruitcake;
It's time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough.
For we need a little music,
Need a little laughter,
Need a little singing
Ringing through the rafter,
And we need a little snappy
"Happy ever after,"
Need a little Christmas now.
Need a little Christmas now.

9.THE FOX HUNT 
(Instrumental)

10.MAME 
Chorus:
You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame,
You charm the husk right off of the corn, Mame,
You've got that banjoes strummin'
And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band,
The whole plantation's hummin'
Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land.
You make the cotton easy to pick, Mame,
You give my old mint julep a kick, Mame,
Who ever thought a Yankee would put
A little Dixie mouse to shame.
You've made us feel alive again,
You've given us the drive again,
To make the South revive again, Mame.
Beauregard Burnside:
You've brought the cake-walk back into style, Mame
You make the weepin' willow tree smile, Mame,
Your skin is Dixie satin,
There's rebel in your manner and your speech,
You may be from Manhattan,
But Georgia never had a sweeter peach.
All:
You make our black-eyed peas and our grits, Mame,
Seem like the bill of fare at the Ritz, Mame,
You came, you saw, you conquered
And absolutely nothing is the same.
You're special fascination'll prove to be inspirational,
We think you're just sensational, Mame.
Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land.
Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land.
You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame,
You charm the husk right off of the corn, Mame,
You've got that banjoes strummin'
And plunkin' out a tune to beat the band,
The whole plantation's hummin'
Since you brought Dixie back to Dixie land.
You make the cotton easy to pick, Mame,
You give my old mint julep a kick, Mame,
Who ever thought a Yankee would put
A little Dixie mouse to shame.
You've made us feel alive again,
You've given us the drive again,
To make the South revive again, Mame.
Mame! Mame! Mame! Mame!


*****


ACT TWO

11.THE LETTER 
Young Patrick:
Dear Auntie Mame,
In English Lit
I'm in the top ten;
I got a B plus average again.
For me the South's the greatest of
All the crazy places that we've been,
Wait 'til you hear the latest
I think I've got a whisker
On my chin!
Older Patrick:
Dear Auntie Mame,
I find it's getting harder to cram
I flunked my Latin grammar exam.
I'm shaving every morning
And growing like it's going on a style
The dibs all seem to go for me
Give friends a big hello for me,
A hug to Uncle Beau for me.
Your Loving Nephew Patrick.

12.MY BEST GIRL - REPRISE 
Older Patrick:
You're my best girl and nothing you do is wrong,
I'm proud you belong to me;
And if a day is rough for me,
Having you there's enough for me.
And if someday when everything turns out wrong,
You're through with the human race,
Come running to me,
For you'll always be
My best girl!

13.BOSOM BUDDIES 
Vera and Mame:
[singing]
We'll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals;
We'll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There's me to protect you.
Vera:
If I say that your tongue is vicious,
Mame:
If I call you uncouth;
Vera and Mame:
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and tell you the truth.
Vera:
[speaking]
Tho' now and again I'm aware that my candid opinion may sting,
Mame:
Tho' often my frank observation might scald;
I've been meanin' to tell you for years
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
Vera:
If I kept my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald.
[singing]
But darling,
Vera and Mame:
We'll always be dear companions,
Vera:
My crony,
Mame:
My mate;
Vera and Mame:
We'll always be harmonizing,
Vera:
Orphan Annie and Sandy,
Vera and Mame:
Like Amos and Andy.
Vera:
If I say that your sense of style's as far as off as your youth;
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you the whole stinkin' truth.
Mame:
[speaking]
Each time that a critic has written, "Your voice is the voice of a frog!"
Straight to your side to defend you I rush;
You know that I'm there ev'ry time that the world makes and unkind
remark.
When they say "Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush!"
[singing]
It hurts me!
Vera:
And if I say your fangs are showing,
Mame, pull in your claws,
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will notice the obvious flaws!
Mame:
[speaking]
I feel it's my duty to tell you it's time to adjust to your age;
You try to be "Peg O' My Heart", when you're "Lady Macbeth."
Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth!
Vera:
Well, how old do you think?
Mame:
I'd say somewhere in between forty and the death!
Vera and Mame:
[singing]
But sweetie,
Vera:
I'll always be Alice Toklas,
If you'll be Gertrude Stein.
And tho' I'll admit I've dished you,
I've gossiped and gloated,
But I'm so devoted.
Mame:
And if I say that sex and guts made you into a star,
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you how rotten you are.
Vera and Mame:
Just turn your bosom buddy
For aid and affection,
For help and direction,
For loyalty, love and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and level
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!

14.GOOCH'S SONG 
Agnes Gooch:
With my wings resolutely spread, Missis Burnside,
And my old inhibitions shed, Missis Burnside,
I did each little thing you said, Missis Burnside,
I lived! I lived! I lived!
I altered the drape of a drop of my bodice
And softened the shape of my brow;
I followed directions
And made some connections,
But what do I do now?
Who'd think this Miss Prim would have opened a window
As far as her whim would allow;
And who would suppose it was so hard to close it,
Oh, what do I do now?
I polished and I powdered and puffed myself,
If life is a banquet I stuffed myself;
I had my misgivings, but went on a field trip,
To find out what living's about.
My thanks for your training,
Now I'm not complaining,
But you left something out!
Instead of wand'ring on with my lone remorse,
I have come back home to complete the course,
Oh, what do I do now?
Missis Burnside,
I traveled to hell in my new veneer,
And look what I got as a souvenir;
But still I'll defend you
As guide and instructor,
Would I recommend you and how.
Although I was leery, I thrived on your theory,
That life can be a wow!
You said there's nothing wrong with a harmless smooch,
So I'm gonna call him Burnside Gooch,
But what do I do now?

15.THAT'S HOW YOUNG I FEEL 
Mame and All:
I have the feeling that time has halted,
I'd like two straws and a choc'late malted,
'Cause that's how young I feel.
I feel like peckin' and bunny huggin'
And Lindy hoppin' and jitterbuggin'
'Cause that's how young I feel.
I'm mad for that big band beat,
Wanna ride in a rumble seat.
(Sheldon's got the Chevvy)
Love a faceful of frozen custard,
To have a hot dog with sand and mustard,
And ride the Ferris wheel,
Oh, honey,
'Cause that's how young I feel.
I'm ready to ask my mom,
Can I go to the Junior Prom.
(Sheldon's got the Chevvy)
Want a coonskin to knock about with,
To start each mornin' by givin' out
With a Rudy Vallee squeal,
Oh, honey,
'Cause that's how young I feel.
[Instrumental]
I find I'm faced with that old sensation,
Will life go on after graduation,
'Cause that's how young I feel.
I'd love to cheer at a football rally
And swap sorority pins with Sally,
'Cause that's how young I feel.
Love a faceful of frozen custard,
To have a hot dog with sand and mustard,
And ride the Ferris wheel,
Oh, honey,
'Cause that's how young I feel.
Young I feel
Young I feel
Young I feel
That's how young
How you, yeah, I feel!

16.IF HE WALKED INTO MY LIFE 
Mame:
Where is that boy with the bugle?
My little love was always my big romance;
Where's that boy with the bugle?
And why did I ever buy him those damn long pants?
Did he need a stronger hand?
Did he need a lighter touch?
Was I soft or was I tough?
Did I give enough?
Did I give too much?
At the moment when he needed me,
Did I ever turn away?
Would I be there when he called,
If he walked into my life today.
Were his days a little dull?
Were his nights a little wild?
Did I overstate my plan?
Did I stress the man?
And forget the child.
And there must have been a million things.
That my heart forgot to say.
Would I think of one or two,
If he walked into my life today.
Should I blame the times I pampered him,
Or blame the times I bossed him;
What a shame!
I never really found the boy,
Before I lost him.
Were the years a little fast?
Was his world a little free?
Was there too much of a crowd?
All too lush and loud and not enough for me.
Though I'll ask myself my whole life long,
What went wrong along the way;
Would I make the same mistakes
If he walked into my life today?
If that boy with the bugle,
If he walked into my life today.

Patrick:
Where is that girl with the promise?
The girl who tried to show me what love could be;
Where is that girl with the promise?
And why do I feel the someone to blame is me?
Did she need a stronger hand?
Did she need a lighter touch?
Was I soft or was I tough?
Did I give enough?
Did I give too much?
At the moment that she needed me,
Did I ever turn away?
Would I be there when she called,
If she walked into my life today.
Did she mind the lonely nights?
Did she count the empty days?
Was I silent, was I cold?
Was I quick to scold?
Was I slow to praise?
And there must have been a million things.
That my heart forgot to say.
Would I think of one or two,
If she walked into my life today.
Should I blame the times I pampered her,
Or blame the times I bossed her;
What a shame!
I never really found the girl,
Before I lost her.
Were the years a little fast?
Was her world a little free?
Was there too much of a crowd?
All too lush and loud and not enough for me.
Though I'll ask myself my whole life long,
What went wrong along the way;
Would I make the same mistakes
If she walked into my life today?
If that girl with the promise,
If he walked into my life today.

17.FINALE (OPEN A NEW WINDOW/IT'S TODAY/WE NEED A LITTLE CHRISTMAS/MAME) 
Mame:
Open a new window,
Open a new door,
Travel a new highway,
That's never been tried before;

Chorus:
Dance to a new rhythm,
Whistle a new song,
Toast with a new vintage,
The fizz doesn't fizz too long.
There's only one way to make the bubbles stay,
Simply travel a new high way,
Dance to a new rhythm,
Open a new window ev'ry day!

There's a "thank you" you can give life,
If you live life all the way.
Call the cops out,
Raise the rocket,
Pull the stops out,
It's today!

Haul out the holly;
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Fill up the stocking,
We may be rushing things,
But deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute,
Candles in the window,
Carols at the spinet.
Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute.
Need a little Christmas now!

You coax the blues right out of the horn, Mame,
You charm the husk right off of the corn, Mame,
You came, you saw, you conquered
And absolutely nothing is the same.
You're special fascination'll prove to be inspirational,
We think you're just sensational, Mame.
Mame! Mame! Mame! Mame!

[CURTAIN]

18. LOVING YOU (FROM THE MOTION PICTURE STARRING LUCILLE BALL)

LOVING YOU IS SNOW AND JASMINE, AND THE NOISE OF NEW YEAR'S EVE
LOVING YOU IS NOW AND YESTERDAY; IS REAL, AND MAKE BELIEVE.
LOVING YOU IS ROME AND NEW ORLEANS, AND GAZING AT THE LAZY SUMMER SKIES;
FIREWORKS REFLECTING IN YOUR EYES;
FOOLISH AND IMPROBABLE AND WISE, 
AND LOVING YOU IS TART AS LEMONADE, AND SWEET AS APRIL WINE.
LOVING YOU IS WATCHING ALL THE LOVELY THINGS OF LIFE COMBINE.
IN YOUR ARMS, I'M ALL I WISH I;
I'M BRAVE, I'M STRONG, AND I'M TRUE,
AS LONG AS I CAN GO ON LIVING LOVING YOU.

LOVING YOU IS SNOW AND JASMINE, AND THE NOISE OF NEW YEAR'S EVE
LOVING YOU IS NOW AND YESTERDAY; IS REAL, AND MAKE BELIEVE.
LOVING YOU IS ROME AND NEW ORLEANS, AND GAZING AT THE LAZY SUMMER SKIES;
FIREWORKS REFLECTING IN YOUR EYES;
FOOLISH AND IMPROBABLE AND WISE, 
AND LOVING YOU IS TART AS LEMONADE, AND SWEET AS APRIL WINE.
LOVING YOU IS WATCHING ALL THE LOVELY THINGS OF LIFE COMBINE.
IN YOUR ARMS, I'M ALL I WISH I;
I'M BRAVE, I'M STRONG, AND I'M TRUE,
AS LONG AS I CAN GO ON LIVING LOVING YOU.