MISS LIBERTY (Stage Show)


Songs from the Broadway Musical "Miss Liberty" (1949)
Starring Eddie Albert, Allyn McLerie and Mary McCarty
All songs written by Irving Berlin



EXTRA, EXTRA
Performed by Ensemble Cast (as 'Newsboys', 'Herald Readers' and 'World Readers)




NEWSBOYS:
Extra!
Extra!
Morning, Noon, and Night we yell
Trying very hard to sell
Mr. Bennett's Morning Herald, Mr. Pulitzer's Morning World
Extra!
Extra!
Every day the same old grind
Getting worse because we find
That it's gard to sell the Herald, while it's easy to sell the World
That isn't good for Mr. Bennett, so it's driving him nuts
And the result is Mr. Bennett hates Mr. Pulitzer's guts
They're a-feudin' and a-fussin' and a-fussin' and a-feudin' and it don't seem to make much sense
Mr.Bennett's usin' the kind of words that we wouldn't write on a fence
Extra!
Extra!
Who will win is hard to tell
In the meantime we must sell
Mr. Bennett's morning Herald, Mr. Pulitzer's morning World


READERS:
Give me a World! Give me a World! Give me a Herald! 
Give me a World! Give me a World! Give me a Herald!


NEWSBOYS:
Extra!


HERALD READERS:
I like the Herald filled with stock market news
Smart social items and conservative views
It's quite amazing how we always agree
I'm for the Herald 'cause the Herald's for me!


WORLD READERS:
Couldn't eat a meal without the World
That's the way we feel about the World
It's the people's paper, yes indeed
With the kind of news we like to read
Circulation bigger every day,
'Spite of what the other papers say!
'Spite of accusations that are hurled
Never was a paper like the World


HERALD READERS:
Couldn't eat a meal without the World
That's the way we feel about the World
It's the people's paper, yes indeed
With the kind of news we like to read
WORLD READERS:I like the Herald filled with stock market news
Smart social items and conservative views
HERALD READERS:
Circulation bigger every day,
'Spite of what the other papers say!
'Spite of accusations that are hurled
Never was a paper like the World


WORLD READERS:
It's quite amazing how we always agree!
I'm for the Herald 'cause the Herald's for me!)


ALL::
Extra!
Extra!
Soon they'll/we'll all be getting hell
Just because they/we couldn't sell
Mr. Bennett's morning Herald,
And they're/our jobs will be imperiled when he hearsHow many they/we sold of Mr. 
Pulitzer's morning World
Extra!
Extra!




**********




WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY PICTURE TOOK?
Performed by Mary McCarty & Eddie Albert




I'd like my picture took
What do I have to do to get my picture took?
Who do I have to be to get my picture took with you?


I'd like to spark with you
Having a plate develop in the dark with you
Nothing I wouldn't do to get my picture took with you


Me sittin' down, you standin' up
Lookin' at the birdie will be fun
Hands in my lap, yours on your chest
Just like Napoleon


And someday we'll take a look
Into a family album or a memory book
'Stead of a boring evening, we'll be laughing at
The picture that I took with you




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THE MOST EXPENSIVE STATUE IN THE WORLD
Performed by Philip Bourneuf, Charles Dingle, Donald McClelland and Emile Renan




Citizens of New York, I greet you
With the hundred thousand dollar check
The money that my readers have contributed
For the pedestal of the statue


Citizens of New York, I greet you
With the news that soon our flag will be unfurled
On the most expensive statue in the world
On the most expensive statue in the world


When it's finally installed, tell us, what will it be called?
When it's finally installed, tell us, what will it be called?


When we finally install it
What's the diff'rence what we call it?
It's the best that money can buy
And will stand three hundred feet high
And I understand before we're through the cost may not be known
A hundred thousand dollars for the pedestal alone
And our flag will soon be unfurled
On the most expensive statue in the world
On the most expensive statue in the world


When it finally is claimed, tell us, what will it be named?
When it finally is claimed, tell us, what will it be named?


When at last we come to claim it
What's the diff'rence what we name it?
What's important is the expense
What it means in dollars and cents
>From the French across the ocean it was sent to me and you
And now I'd like to call upon and hear a word or two
>From our friend the French ambassador


Your honor, I speak not for my government, but my people
For it is not my government, but my people who give this statue
Creation of the genius of Bartholdi
May it arise in your harbor and give the light of
Liberty, equality, fraternity


Finally, when we install it, why don't we call it "Liberty"?
"The Statue of Liberty"!
"The Statue of Liberty"!
And the most expensive statue in the world!
And the most expensive statue in the world!




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A LITTLE FISH IN A BIG POND
Performed by Eddie Albert (as Horace Miller) and Mary McCarty (as Maisie Doll)




HORACE:
A little fish in a big pond has plenty of room to swim
But swimming around are big fish all ready to pounce on him


Back to his little pond he starts to roam
The little fish spreads his fins and begins to swim back home


That's me, a little fish in a big pond, all wrong
That's me, a little fish where a little fish don't belong


A little man in a big town gets butterflies in his dome
I'm ready to spread my fin and begin to swim back home
To the little pond where a little fish and a little man belong


MAISIE:
A little fish in a big pond has gotta have lots of heart
For swimming around are big fish, but if he's the least bit smart


Back to his little pond he doesn't go
The little fish spreads his fins and begins to grow, grow, grow


That's you, a little fish in a big pond, all right
Me too, a little fish, but we gotta stand up and fight


A little man in a big town don't have to get out and roam
Stop taking it on the chin and begin to feel at home
In the bigger pond where the bigger fish and the bigger men belong




**********




LET'S TAKE AN OLD FASHIONED WALK
Performed by Eddie Albert (as Horace Miller) & Allyn McLerie (as Monique DuPont)




HORACE:Some couples go for a buggy ride
When they start caring a lot
Others will bicycle side by side
Out to some romantic spot
But when you haven't a sou
There's only one thing to do


Let's take an old-fashioned walk
I'm just bursting with talk
What a tale could be told
If we went for an old fashioned walk


Let's take a stroll through the park
Down a lane where it's dark
And a heart that's controlled
May relax on an old fashioned walk


I know for a couple who seem to be miles apart
There's nothing like walking and having a "heart to heart"


I know a girl who declined
Couldn't make up her mind
She was wrapped up and sold
Coming home from an old-fashioned walk


MONIQUE:
I used to dream of a millionaire
Handsome and rich from the States
Taking me out for a breath of air
Saying, "The carriage awaits"
But since you haven't a sou
And I have nothing to do
Let's take an old-fashioned walk
I'm just bursting with talk
What a tale could be told
If we went for an old fashioned walk


Let's take a stroll through the park
Down a lane where it's dark
And a heart that's controlled
May relax on an old fashioned walk


I know for a couple who seem to be miles apart
There's nothing like walking and having a "heart to heart"


I know a girl who declined
Couldn't make up her mind
She was wrapped up and sold
Coming home from an old-fashioned walk




**********




HOMEWORK
Performed by Mary McCarty




I'm so tired of working in an office
And it's making me blue
There is work that don't require an office
That I'm anxious to do


Homework, I want to do homework
Instead of an office, I want to work home


Staying at home and crocheting
And meekly obeying
The guy who comes home


A cozy kitchen to be in there pitchin'
Is the thing I'm longing to do
To be there learning when a steak needs turning
And just what goes into a stew


Homework, I want to do homework
A genius who sits and plans with pots and pans at home
A genius who bakes a pie that keeps a guy at home


Homework, I want to do homework
Instead of an office, I want to work home


Messing around with French dressing
And slightly impressing
The guy who comes home


I long to settle with a steaming kettle
And a frying pan and a pot
And be the keeper of a carpet sweeper
That's the one ambition I've got


Homework, I want to do homework
A genius who has a way that makes him stay at home
A genius who has what takes that makes or breaks a home


Homework, I want to do homework
Instead of an office, I want to work home


Patching his trousers and matching
The part that keeps scratching
The guy who comes home


A table wiper who can change a diaper
Is the thing I'd like to be best
And be the master of a mustard plaster
When the cold goes down to his chest


Homework, I want to do homework
A genius who does her part so he don't start to roam
A genius who earns her keep that makes him sleep at home




**********




PARIS WAKES UP AND SMILES
Performed by Allyn McLerie & Tommy Rall




When the sun goes down
Paris wakes up
Fills up her cup
And smiles


When the lights are low
Paris is high
Lights up the sky
For miles


When they stop playing shop
On the Rue de la Paix
Count their stock 
And they lock up their styles


When the busy town
Goes home to sup
Paris wakes up
And smiles




**********




ONLY FOR AMERICANS
Performed by Ethel Griffies (as The Countess) & Eddie Albert (as Horace Miller)




HORACE: Countess, you're my pal. Hey, we gotta celebrate!
COUNTESS: What?
HORACE: Yeah, first to Montmartre! Then the Moulin Rouge! The Folies Bergere!
COUNTESS: Not at all....
HORACE: Not Montmartre?
COUNTESS: No.
HORACE: Not the Moulin Rouge?
COUNTESS: No.
HORACE: Not the Folies Bergere?
COUNTESS: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They are...


Only for Americans
The midnight life in gay Paree
The Frenchman he would never see
It's only for Americans


The prices in the smart café
The Frenchman he would never pay
The price that's more is only for
Americans from the U.S.A.


A Montmartre lady drops her hanky
And slyly winks her eye
That's only for the Yankee
The Frenchman wouldn't buy


Only for Americans
The Frenchmen on the boulevards
Don't buy those dirty postal cards
They're only for Americans


The little holes for peeping through
To see what naughty people do
The French would bore, they're only for
Americans from the U.S.A.


Only for Americans
The shops with many real antiques
Antiques as old as seven weeks
They're only for Americans


The bed on which a king made love
Which there are sev'ral dozen of
The French pooh pooh, we sell them to
Americans from the U.S.A.


Those old Napoleon brandy labels
That recently were made
They're not for Frenchmen's tables
They're for the Yankee trade


Only for Americans
The Frenchman gets his kisses free
But those for which there is a fee
Are only for Americans


You'll find two prices on a dress
One that is extremely less
The price that's more is only for
Americans from the U.S.A.


Only for Americans
A Frenchman's food is very plain
Those fancy sauces with ptomaine
Are only for Americans


A Frenchman seldom eats the snails
With little ulcers on their tails
And all that cheese was made to please
Americans from the U.S.A.


While the American carouses
Where crimson shadows creep
The French avoid those houses
They go to bed to sleep


Only for Americans
A Frenchman wouldn't be impressed
To see a show with girls undressed
That's only for Americans


The French don't go to naked shows
They've seen what's underneath the clothes
And each encore is only for
Americans from the U.S.A.


Only for Americans
The Frenchmen don't keep company
With south of France society
That's only for Americans


The Frenchman hasn't large amounts
To pay for Barons, Dukes and Counts
That you adore, they're only for
Americans from the U.S.A.


We like to keep the good relations
That nothing must upset
We give you decorations
That Frenchmen seldom get


Only for Americans
Our finest art is in the Louvre
The ones the experts don't approve
Are only for Americans


We keep an artist by the gate
To sign the paintings while you wait
Before they're dry, they're purchased by
Americans from the U.S.A.


But we can't do without them
We're simply mad about them
The Americans
The Americans
The Americans from the U.S.A.




**********




JUST ONE WAY TO SAY I LOVE YOU
Performed by Eddie Albert & Allyn McLerie




Why search for flowery phrases
Quoting what poets have said
Why talk in circles around it
Why not be simple instead
Let's hit the nail on the head


I love you, I love you, there's no other way
Just one way to say I love you
I love you, I love you, and try as I may
That's all I can say, I love you


Much more could be said if I thought with my head
But I only can think with my heart
I love you, I love you, and yearn for the day
The day when you'll say "I love you"


I could be oh, so indiff'rent
With very little success
I could continue pretending
But I'm afraid you would guess
So why not simply say, "Yes"


I love you, I love you, there's no other way
Just one way to say I love you
I love you, I love you, and try as I may
That's all I can say, I love you


Much more could be said if I thought with my head
But I only can think with my heart
I love you, I love you, and this is the day
The day when we'll say "I love you"




**********




MISS LIBERTY
Performed by the Full Company




Liberty, Miss Liberty, we welcome you here to our shores
Liberty, Miss Liberty, the key to the city is yours
Liberty, Miss Liberty, you're not just the symbol of a statue that we love
But the most beautiful girl in the world


Would you like to dine some evening at the Astors? ....... I'd love to
Would you like to play a week at Tony Pastor's? ....... I'd love to
Would you like to come to Trinity on Sunday? ....... I'd love to
Would you like to launch a battleship on Monday? ....... I'd love to


Here's some orchids fresh with dew from the President to you
Here's some winter flannels from the nation's mothers
Here's some tickets for our ball, you'll be welcome at the hall
Here's some cough drops from the famous bearded brothers


I represent Pratt's Astral Oil
The finest application for a pimple or a boil
We'll pay you handsomely for very little toil
Your picture with a bottle of Pratt's Astral Oil


I thank you, I thank you, I'm grateful to be sure
Like money in the bank, you have made me feel secure
Your Congress, your Senate, your President, so dear
But mostly Mister Bennett, the man who brought me here




**********




THE TRAIN
Performed by Allyn McLerie (as Monique DuPont) , Joe Milan (as The Train) & Company




CROWD: There she is!
MAYOR: Liberty, Miss Liberty, we're happy you came to Detroit
CROWD: Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
MAYOR: Liberty, Miss Liberty, you honor the name of Detroit
CROWD: Wheeeeee!
MONIQUE: I thank you
MAN: She thanks you
TRAIN: She thanks you
MONIQUE: I thank you from the bottom of my heart
CROWD: From the bottom of her heart
MONIQUE: I thank you
CROWD: You're welcome! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
MONIQUE: Goodbye!


CROWD: There she is!
CLUB WOMAN: Liberty, Miss Liberty, we're happy you came here to Duluth
CROWD: Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
CLUB WOMAN: Liberty, Miss Liberty
MONIQUE: I thank you
TRAIN: She thanks you
MONIQUE: I thank you from the bottom of my heart
CROWD: Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
MONIQUE: Goodbye!


MONIQUE: From the bottom of my heart, Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!




**********




YOU CAN HAVE HIM
Performed by Mary McCarty (as Maisie Doll) & Allyn McLerie (as Monique DuPont)




MAISIE:
You can have him
I don't want him
He's not worth fighting for
Besides there's plenty more where he came from


I don't want him
You can have him
I'm giving him the sack
And he can go right back where he came from


I could never make him happy
He'd be better off with you
I'm afraid I never loved him
All I ever wanted to do was


Run my fingers thru his curly locks
Mend his underwear and darn his socks
Fetch his slippers and remove his shoes
Wipe his glasses when he read the news
Rub his forehead with a gentle touch
Mornings after when he's had too much
Kiss him gently when he cuddled near
Give him babies one for ev'ry year, so you see
I don't want him, you can have him
You can have him, I don't want him
For he's not the man for me


MONIQUE:
You can have him
I don't want him
He's not worth fighting for
Besides there's plenty more where he came from


I don't want him
You can have him
He isn't my concern
And he can just return where he came from


I would look a trifle silly
Taking him away from you
That was never my intention
All I ever wanted to do was


Close the window while he soundly slept
Raid the icebox where the food is kept
Cook a breakfast that would please him most
Eggs and coffee and some buttered toast
Wake him gently with a breakfast tray
After breakfast clear the things away
Bring the papers and when they've been read
Spend the balance of the day in bed, so you see
I don't want him, you can have him
You can have him, I don't want him
For he's not the man for me




**********




THE POLICEMAN'S BALL
Mary McCarty (as Maisie Doll) & Tommy Rall (as The Dandy)




Tickets for one and all
For the Policemen's Ball


Fifty cents for a gent and his bundle
Will admit you to the Policemen's Ball
Fifty cents and you're all set to trundle
Arm in arm and dance all around the hall


Dancin' 'round, gettin' hot 'neath the collar
If it starts to wilt from the lack of starch
There'll be six you can buy for a dollar
And you'll have a spare for the big Grand March


All evening they'll be tripping the light fantastic
Watch their suspenders stretching the old elastic


Each dress'd up in a suit made of cotton
Patent leather shoes that are much too small
But who cares? That'll soon be forgotten
Dancing at the Policemen's Ball


Come on let's go to the Policemen's Ball




**********




ME AND MY BUNDLE
Performed by Eddie Albert & Allyn McLerie




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FALLING OUT OF LOVE CAN BE FUN
Performed by Mary McCarty




Crocodile tears will not be shed
They're not for a lady like I'm
I can recall what my aunt said
When she married for the twentieth time


Falling out of love can be fun
After love is over and done
It's an awful blow and although it's upsetting
So much you can do while you're forgetting
Falling out of love can be fun


When you've find your lover has gone
Get your second wind and go on
There's an old affair that is there for renewing
In your grief, do you know what you're doing?
Falling out of love can be fun


Soon, you'll be swinging in a hammock on a porch
One arm wrapped around someone else
The other arm carrying a torch


Love can give a lady a clout
And she may be down but not out
Get yourself a date, don't you wait for the count of ten, then
Falling out of love can be falling in love again


Falling out of love can be fun
Someone else can soon be the one
By another name, he's the same as his brother
Close your eyes and one is like the other
Falling out of love can be fun


When he goes before you have wed
And the stork is over your head
Soon you're gonna be with a she or a laddie
Smile as you go shopping for a daddy
Falling out of love can be fun


Soon, you'll be losing all your troubles and your fears
One eye winking at someone else
The other eye filling up with tears


When you find your lovin' romance
Gets a sudden kick in the pants
Get yourself surrounded and bounded with lots of men, then
Falling out of love can be falling in love again




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GIVE ME YOUR TIRED, YOUR POOR
Performed by Allyn McLerie


(From the poem "The New Colossus" by Emma Lazarus)




Give me your tired, your poor
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore
Send these the homeless tempest-tost to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!


Give me your tired, your poor
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore
Send these the homeless tempest-tost to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!




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(Contributed by Mel Priddle - October 2007)