MRS CARTER
(Edgar Bateman / George Le Brunn)

as recorded by Gus Elen
1903


SOME time ago, when graft was rarver short,
And didn't seem as though it would get better,
Says I, "To get a wife I really ought,
And one that goes to work if I can get 'er!"
I found a girl, at church we made a call,
But since I've been in 'arness double jointed,
I find that married life don't suit at all!
Well, to tell the truth I'm downright disappointed!

Oh she's too good to live is Mrs Carter,
She's a Tartar and I'm the martyr!
I feels just as if I'd like to out 'er,
Upon my word she's awful aggrewatin'!
Why don't she jaw a bit, or cause a little riot some'ow
What's the use o' couples gettin' married at all
If yer never 'as a bloomin' row?

'Er pleasant ways, they fair give me the 'ump,
For I wasn't meant for 'oneymoonial blisses!
She's like a pound o' tuppeny-'a'penny lump,
But I never could stand bread and cheese and kisses!
I wish we was the couple over'ead,
'Cause they bangs each other's 'eads without compunction. 
There's many a time you'd fink that 'e was dead,
For 'is face like the map of Clapham Junction!

Oh she's too good to live is Mrs Carter,
She's a Tartar and I'm a martyr!
I feels just as if I'd like to out 'er,
Upon my word she's awful aggrewatin'!
Why don't she jaw a bit, or cause a little riot some'ow?
What's the use o' couples gettin' married at all
If yer never 'as a bloomin' row?

I'm absolutely sick o' this 'ere life,
I gets quite exasperuted-like and snappy.
I'd like a row with someone else's wife,
'Cause it's misery to me to be so 'appy!
I've done my very best to do me wust,
And all kinds o' provecations I've been givin'!
If I don't soon 'ave a row I know I'll bust,
'Cause 'ow's the magistrates to get their livin'?

Oh she's too good to live is Mrs Carter,
She's a Tartar and I'm a patooter!
I feels just if I'd like to out 'er,
Upon my word she's awful aggrewatin'!
Why don't she jaw a bit, or cause a little riot some'ow?
What's the use o' couples gettin' married at all
If yer never 'as a bloomin' row?




(Transcribed by Peter Akers - October 2017)