NINETEEN YEARS OLD
(Traditional - 19th Century English)
As I was walking down by the Strand
I met a young lady all dressed up so grand
With features of finery and jewels set in gold
Said she was a maiden, just nineteen years old
Her fingers were tapered, her neck like a swan
Her head tipped a little, her voice not too strong
In six weeks we were married, the wedding bells tolled
I'd married that maiden, just nineteen years old
After the wedding we retired to rest
I thought I would die when that female undressed
A trunk full of cotton she first did unload
I thought it darned funny for a nineteen year old
She took off her left leg as high as her knee
She took off her fingers, I countered but three
While there on the carpet her glass eye did roll
I thought it darned funny for a nineteen year old
She took off her eyebrows, I thought I would faint
Next from her mug came a carload of paint
She took off her false wig, her old bald head told
I thought it peculiar for a nineteen year old
She took out her teeth, I jumped up in terror
Her chin and her nose fell right in together
Now I'm telling you folks she was a sight to behold
That fair little maiden just nineteen years old
Now all you young fella's when courting you go
Make sure she is perfect from head to her toe
You'll pay for your folly, like mine you you'll be sold
To a patched up old maid about ninety years old
**********
Alternate Version:
A VIRGIN, ONLY NINETEEN YEARS OLD
As I was out walking one night near the Strand
I met a young damsel all hoop'd up so grand
She had feathers and finery, jewels and gold
And she said she was a virgin, yes a virgin only nineteen years old
Her fingers were tapered, her neck like the swan
Her nose like a turnip, her voice not too strong
In three weeks we were married, and the wedding bells tolled
That I married a virgin, yes a virgin, only nineteen years old
The wedding party broke up, we retired to rest
But my hair stood upright when my bride she undressed
For a cart-load of padding my young bride did unfold
A thing very peculiar, very peculiar, for nineteen years old
First she took off her right foot, about a foot wide
Then she unscrew'd her left ear, and laid it aside
Then she pulled out her right eye, on the carpet it rolled
Thinks I, here's a virgin, what a virgin, only nineteen years old
Next she unscrewed her left leg as far as the knee
Then pulled off her fingers, I counted just three
Then on her left shoulder, a large hump I did behold
So I said, there's a virgin only nineteen years old
When she wiped off her eyebrows I thought I should faint
And scraped from her thin cheeks a cart-load of paint
When she pulled off her black wig, then her bald pate soon told
That she was an old virgin, an old virgin, more than nineteen years old
When she pulled out her false teeth, I jumped up in terror
For her nose and her chin very near stuck together
>From the chamber I stepped, never more to behold
The virgin not nineteen, no not nineteen but ninety nine years old
Now young man take a warning, ere to church you go
Be sure your bride perfect, from top to the toe
Or you'll pay for your folly, and like me be sold
By some patch'd up bit of stuff, cruel old virgin
About ninety-nine years old
**********
A later version:
EIGHTEEN OR NINETEEN YEARS OLD
As I was out walking down by the seashore
I met a fair maiden she sure did look grand
Her lace and her diamonds and her hair shone like gold
She appeared to be eighteen or nineteen years old
Her fingers they jingled like bells on a door
Her nose was turned up but not very much more
When we were married the wedding bells tolled
I have married a young lady just nineteen years old
When we were married and retired for our rest
My love changed for her, why you can guess
For a box full of powders my love did unfold
She appeared to be eighteen or nineteen years old
She raked from her pale cheeks a box full of paint
When she took out her false teeth I thought I would faint
Out upon the carpet her glass eye did roll
She appeared to be eighteen or nineteen years old
She unsnapped her fingers, I counted just three
Then she unscrewed both cork legs up to her knees
When she took off her false wig her old bald head told
I had married an old lady about ninety years old
**********
A shortened version:
NINETY YEARS OLD
As I was out walking down by the seashore
I spied a young lady, she sure did look grand
Ribbons and laces, her hair shone like gold
She appeared to be eighteen or nineteen years old
Now when we were married I thought I would faint
She raked from her pale cheeks a full box of paint
When out on the carpet her glass eye did roll
She appeared to be eighty or ninety years old
I counted her fingers, I could only count three
She unscrewed her cork legs both at the knee
Took off her false wig, her bald knob it shone
I found I'd married an old lady 'bout ninety years old
**********
Another version that was part of the repertoire of
Nova Scotian folk singer, Fred Reddon, in the 1980's.
HANDIER NINETY THAN NINETEEN YEARS OLD
Oh, as I was a-walking way down by the strand
I espied a fair damsel so handsome and grand
She had buckles and brooches of silver and gold
Says I, "Now what a dandy, and only nineteen years old"
Well, I courted her truly, in two weeks we were wed
(*Line missing here*)
In two weeks we were married and the wedding bells tolled
I'd married me a dandy only nineteen years old
Well, the wedding being over we retired to rest
You can bet I was astounded when my wife did undress
Such an armload of paddings as my wife did unfold
Says I, "Now what a dandy, and only nineteen years old"
Well, she took off her cork leg right off to her knee
She unbuttoned her fingers until I counted three
Then she plucked out her glass eye on the floor it did roll
Says I, "Now what a dandy, and only nineteen years old"
Well, she took off her eyebrows, I thought I would faint
She took from her face a good bucket of paint
Then she took off her wig and her bald head soon told
She was handier ninety than to nineteen years old
Now, come all you young fellows when courting you go
Examine your true love from her head to her toe
For if you don't do it, you're bound to be sold
To a patched up old geyser about ninety years old
**********
A very different version, but with the same theme, that originated in Ireland:
BY THE BRIGHT SILVERY LIGHT OF THE MOON
It was one evening in Roscrae, in the merry month of May
When the roses and the heather were in bloom
A young lady passed me by and she gave me the glad eye
By the bright silvery light of the moon
Well, I got an awful fright; it was true-love at first sight
And I thought I couldn't marry her too soon
We got married right away in the Abbey near Roscrae
By the bright silvery light of the moon
Well, it started getting late and she asked me for to wait
And when I got up to the door of her bedroom
Well, there upon a chair was her teeth and golden hair
By the bright silvery light of the moon
Well, there was more for me in store when she began to snore
Oh, she nearly blew the blankets cross the room
And there upon a peg was a great big wooden leg
By the bright silvery light of the moon
Well, I grabbed her by the head and I dragged her out of bed
And like a broken doll she lay there in the gloom
It would break a million hearts to see all of her spare parts
By the bright silvery light of the moon
So young men take my advice, always look at the ladies twice
For they're always out to catch us poor gossoons
Pull her teeth and pull her hair, just to see if she's all there
By the bright silvery light of the moon
(Contributed by Mel - September 2010)
