NOT EVEN NOMINATED
Lyrics: Fred Ebb - Music: Larry Grossman
Sammy Davis, Jr., Steve Lawrence and the Allyn Ferguson Orchestra
If your song didn't win the Academy Award
And you're feeling deflected and deflated,
Imagine the shape you might have been in
If you hadn't have been nominated.
'Not even nominated' makes you feel about that tall,
But just remember Oscar's only human after all ...
And not even nominated were a list of great songs we can recall:
"You were meant for me" (not even nominated),
"And I was meant for you", and what about
"A fine romance with no kisses;
A fine romance, my friend, this is -"
"You say 'eether' and I say 'eye-ther',
You say 'neether' and I say 'ny-ther',
'eether', 'eye-ther', 'neether', 'ny-ther',
Let's call the whole thing off."
"They all laughed at Christopher Columbus
When he said the world was round."
"It's very clear our love is here to stay",
"Love walked right in and drove the shadows away",
"When I fall in love",
"The more I see you, the more I want you.
Somehow this feeling just grows and grows",
And may I have the envelope? Can't make a dream come true
When they're not even nominating songs like:
"You Are My Lucky Star",
"You Make Me Feel So Young",
"You're just too marvelous, too marvelous for words",
Words like "Who can take the sunrise,
Sprinkle it with dew?"
"It seems to me I've heard that song before"
(not even nominated),
"The snow is snowing, the wind keeps on blowing,
But I can weather the storm",
"Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore,
Faithful friends who are near to us
Gather near to us once more;
So have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Have yourself a merry little Christmas now."
It wasn't nominated. Never. There's an old goodie
that Oscar said 'No' to; It's a standard old goodie
he just wouldn't go to:
"Singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain,
What a glorious feeling - I'm happy again.
So Oscar walked by - he never said 'Hi';
We're singin', just singin' in the rain."
(Spoken:) You know this isn't just a piece of material,
this is a scholarly tract. Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
we've done a lot of research on this.
You know what we found out?
If your song has the word "baby" in it,
Oscar isn't likely to nominate it.
"You must have been a beautiful baby" (not even nominated),
You must have been a beautiful child" -
"I don't want to walk without you, Baby" -
"It's quarter to three; there's no one in the place
except you and me ... so make it one for my baby" -
"My baby don't care for rings or other expensive things,
My baby just cares for me" -
"Steppin' out with my baby,
Can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right -
It's for sure, not for maybe,
That I'm all dressed up tonight.
There'll be smooth sailin' 'cause I'm trimmin' my sails."
(Not even nominated.)
"In my white tie and my top hat and my tails.
Now it's been illustrated -
It's the truth as plain as day,
If your song mentions 'baby',
The Old Man tells you 'Go away.'
Go away, go away, go away, go away."
Not even nominated - never gonna stand a chance.
Should trial compose a ditty
When you deign to mention 'dance':
"There may be trouble ahead,
But while there's moonlight and music and love and romance,
Let's face the music and ..."
"I won't - don't ask me. I won't - can't make me,
Madame, with you."
"It only happens when I ____ with you."
"How we danced and faced the music -
How we danced till break of day"
"Oh, how we ___ on the night we were wed -
We ___ and we ___ though a word wasn't said."
"If you're blue and you don't know where to go,
Why don't you go where fashion sits?
Puttin' on the ritz."
Don't be myopic when you pick a music topic -
You can do an awful 'floppic' if you write a dancing song:
(Spoken) And cities! Don't mention cities or you'll
never get nominated!
("Shuffle Off to Buffalo", "Flying Down to Rio",
"A Foggy Day in London Town", "San Francisco
(Open Your Golden Gate)", "Hooray for Hollywood",
"New York, New York")
Not even nominated makes you feel about that tall ...
(Spoken:) When your song god isn't listening, don't
take it seriously. Don't pay it no never-mind, and
just keep right on (singing) "Staying alive, staying alive."
(Spoken:) That song wasn't nominated either, but
I guess the best advice you can give a songwriter
comes from an old saying: A standard old song is
still a great song, and guess what - it wasn't
nominated but it's still great advice:
"Nothing's impossible, I have found,
For when your chin is on the ground,
Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off,
And start all over again.
Don't be discouraged each time you slip -
Be grateful for a pleasant trip.
So pick yourself up, dust yourself off,
Start all over again.
Be like a soul inspired
Till the battle of the day is won.
You may be sick and tired,
But you'll be a man, my son ... my son ...
Just if you remember each refrain,
You'll have to fail to live again,
So though you get passed (though you get passed),
Your number can last (your number can last).
Just pick yourself up (pick yourself up)
And be of good cheer (and get it all together)
And dust yourself off, and wait ...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, waaaait ...
Till next year!
(Transcribed by Lou Rugani - The Music of the Stars (WLIP) - March 2017)