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NUMBERS (Shel Silverstein) Bobby Bare - 1980 I was sittin' here Friday suppin' on a glass of wine When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine On a scale of ONE to TEN.........I'd give her a NINE. Now on my scale there ain't no TEN's, you know NINE is about as far as any chick can go So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me So for brains and good judgement, give her a THREE. I said, hey sweet thing, you look like a possible EIGHT You and me could, uh! make EIGHTEEN, if your head's on straight She looked up and down my perfect frame And said these words that burned into my perfect brain. She said, well, another one of those macho Texas men Tryin' to grade all women on scales of ONE to TEN And, uh!, you give me an EIGHT, well, that's a generous thing to do Now, let's just see, just how much I give you. She said you comin' on to me with that phony NUMBERS jive Your style makes me smile, I give it a FIVE When you walked up I noticed that suit of your's It's last year's double knit-french cuffs, give it a FOUR. That must be your car parked out on the kerb That 'SIXTY-NINE homemade convertible, A THREE and A THIRD I saw that build, I guess you're less than FIVE Said, for your pot belly, I'd give that a TEN for size. That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a TWO It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth I give it a SIX, you could use some dental work. But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh It may be a TEN to these country hens, but to me a THREE and A HALF And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done And since there ain't no ZEROs, I give you a ONE. She walked out, while up and down the line The whole bar was laughin', sayin' BARE, what happened to your NINE NINE says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a TWO. (SPOKEN) Yeah! No matter how good they look at first There's flaws in all of them That's why on a scale of TEN to ONE, friend There ain't no TEN.


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