NURSERY SCHOOL - GOING HOME TIME
A Monologue by Joyce Grenfell


Children - it's time to go home, so finish tidying up and put on your 
hats and coats. Some of our mummies are here for us, so hurry up.
Billy won't be long, Mrs Binton. He's on hamster duty.
Now let's see if we can't all help each other. Janey - I said help 
each other. Help Bobbie carry that chair, don't pin him against the 
wall with it.
We're having a go at our good neighbour policy here, Mrs Binton, but 
it doesn't always...
Neville, off the floor, please. Don't lie there.
And Sidney, stop painting, please.
Because it's time to go home.
Well, you shouldn't have started another picture, should you. What is 
it this time?
Another blue man! Oh, I see, so it is.
All right, you can make it just a little bit bluer, but only one more 
brushful, please, Sidney.
We don't think he's very talented, but we feel it's important to 
encourage their self-express:on. You never know where it might lead...
Rachel. Gently - help Teddy gently into his coat.
It's a lovely coat, Teddy, what's wrong with it?
Oh. It looks like a boy's coat when you wear it. And lots of boys 
wear pink.
Poor wee mite, he has three older sisters!
Neville, I said get up off the floor.
Who shot you dead?
David did? Well, I don't suppose he meant to. He may have meant to 
then, but he doesn't mean it now, and anyhow I say you can get up.
No, don't go and shoot David dead, because it's time to go home.
George. What did I tell you not to do? Well, don't do it.
And Sidney, don't wave that paint-brush about like that, you'll 
splash somebody. LOOK OUT, DOLORES!
Sidney! ... It's all right, Dolores, you aren't hurt, you're just 
surprised. It was only a nice soft brush. But you'd better go and 
wash your face before you go home.
Because it's all blue.
Sidney, I saw you deliberately put that paintbrush up Dolores's 
little nostril.
No, it wasn't a jolly good shot. It ..... I don't want to discuss it, 
Sidney.
Now go and tell Dolores you're sorry.
Yes, now.
Thank you, Hazel, for putting the chairs straight for me.
You are a great helper.
Thank you.
And thank you, Dicky, for closing the cupboard door for me.
Dicky... is there somebody in the cupboard?
Well, let her out at once.
Are you all right, Peggy? What did you go into the cupboard for?
But we don't have mices - I mean mouses - in our toy cupboard. Mouses 
only go where there is food, and we don't have any food in our toy 
cupboard.
When did you hide a bicky in there?
Every day!
Well, perhaps we have got mices in our toy cupboard. I'll have to 
look.
No, you go and get your coat on.
Dicky - We never shut people in cupboards.
Because they don't like it.
What do you mean, she's puggy? Peggy's puggy?
Oh, she's got puggy hands. But you don't have to hold her hand...
Well, you must ask her nicely to let go.
Well, if she won't let go...
You'll have to work it out for yourself, Dicky.
Edgar and Timmy... your knitted caps are not for playing tug-of-war 
with. Look, now the pom-pom's come off.
Whose is it?
Well, give it back to Sidney.
Where are your caps?
Well, go and ask Sidney to give them back to you.
Turn round, Geoffrey. You've got your wellingtons on the wrong feet.
Yes, you have. You'll have to take them off and start again.
Why can't you reach?
Well, undo your coat and then you can bend.
Take off your woolly gloves.
And your scarf.
You can keep your balaclava on. How many jerseys are you wearing?
Heavens. No wonder you can't bend.
Caroline, come and help Geoffrey.
Don't kick her, Geoffrey. She's come to help.
Sidney, I told you to put that paint-brush down ...LOOK OUT, DOLORES!
Well, that wasn't a very good shot, was it? You didn't mean to put it 
in her ear, did you?
Well, you shouldn't have.
You're all right Dolores. It was just a bit of a surprise, but you'll 
have to go and wash again.
Because you've got a blue ear.
Sidney, I'm ashamed of you, a big boy of four, and she's only just 
three.
And Sidney, what have you done with Timmy and Edgar's caps?
No, I'm not going to guess.
And I don't want to know they are hidden in a special secret place, I 
want to know exactly where they are.
No, I'm not going to try and find them. You're going to tell me where 
they are.
Well, go and get them out of the waste-paper basket at once. Waste-
paper baskets aren't for putting caps in.
Now go and say you are sorry to Dolores.
Yes, again.
We think his aggression is diminishing, but we do have setbacks.
Lavinia, is that your coat you've got on? It looks so enormous.
Oh, you're going to grow into it. I see.
Hazel, thank you for helping Betty into her jacket.
Just zip her up once. Not up and down.
No, Neville, you can't have a turn.
No, children, you can't all zip Betty.
Jenny, come here.
Jenny, when we have paid a visit to the littlest room, what do we do?
We pull our knickers up again.
Good-bye, Hazel, Good-bye, Bobbie. Good-bye, everybody.
Good-bye, Mrs Binton.
Hurry up, Sidney, because you'll keep your Mummy waiting.
Well, your Granny then.
Somebody is coming to take you away, aren't they, Sidney?
Good.
No, you won't see me tomorrow, Sidney.
Tomorrow is Saturday... thank heaven.