Song Lyrics From Around The World

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PASSENGERS WILL PLEASE REFRAIN (Humourous words set to the tune of Dvorak's "Humoresque") Oscar Brand - 1956 Passengers will please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is in the station, Darling, I love you We encourage constipation While the train is in the station Moonlight always makes me think of you If you wish to pass some water Kindly call the Pullman porter He'll place a vessel in the vestibule If the porter isn't near Try the platform in the rear The one in front is likely to be full If the womens' room be taken Never feel the least forsaken Never show a sign of sad defeat Try the men's room 'cross the hall And if some man has had the call He'll courteously relinquish you his seat If these efforts all are vain Then simply break a window pane This novel method's used by very few We go strolling through the park Goosing statues in the dark If Sherman's horse can take it, why can't you? ALTERNATE VERSES: I love to go out after dark And goose the statues in the park A lovely pastime at the close of day Unperturbed they stand so still While whoops, it's me that gets the thrill It really is a lovely way to play I've noticed lately They stand so stately Out there in the dark when dew is on the ground I sometimes tease them And do displease them If I fail to show up as the sun goes down The Thinker is the only one With whom I can have no fun He sits upon a boulder, rough and coarse Napoleon sits upon his steed I cannot goose him, no indeed And so instead I goose his horse Passengers will please refrain From using toilets while the train Is standing in the station, we thank you Constipation's recommended While the train is being tended If the train can't go, then why should you Gentlemen will please refrain From flushing toilets while the train Is standing in the staion for a while We encourage contemplation While the train is in the station Cross your legs and grit your teeth and smile As I sit here tearing tissue Oh, my darling, how I miss you Everything I do, I do for you Since I'm going with your daughter I've had trouble passing water Sorry that I ever came to town (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - August 2020)


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