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PIDDLING PETE (aka "THE RUNT", "REX, THE PIDDLING PUP" & "THE DIABETIC DOG") (Author Uncertain - Possibly Eugene Field) Leslie Sarony - c.1930 Fiddler Beers - 1959 Frank Lynn - 1961 Fivepenny Piece - 1977 Also recorded by: Gordon Lightfoot; Warren Fahey; Waddie Mitchell; Pat McCrossan. As performed by LESLIE SARONY: A famous dog once came to town, known to his friends as Pete His pedigree was ten yards long, his looks were hard to beat And as he trotted down the road, 'twas beautiful to see His work at every corner, every post and every tree He never missed a land mark, he never missed a post For piddling was his masterpiece and piddling pleased him most The city dogs stood looking on in deep and jealous rage To see this little country dog, the piddler of his age They smelt his efforts one by one, they smelt him two by two But noble Pete, in high disdain, stood still 'til they were through Then when they'd smelt him everywhere, the praise for him ran high But when one smelt him underneath, Pete piddled in his eye Just then to show these city dogs he didn't care a damn He strolled into the grocers shop and piddled on the ham He piddled on the cornflakes he piddled on the floor And when the grocer threw him out, he piddled up the door Behind him all the city dogs debated what to do They'd hold a piddling carnival, the hoop they'd put him through They showed him all the piddling posts they knew about the town And off they set with many a wink to wear the stranger down But Pete was with them all the way, with vigour and with vim A thousand piddles more or less were all the same to him And on and on went noble Pete, as tireless as a windmill And very soon those city dogs were piddled to a standstill Then Pete an exhibition gave of all the ways to piddle With double drips and fancy flips, and now and then a dribble The city dogs said, "Farewell Pete, your piddling did defeat us" But no one ever put them wise that Pete had diabetes ******************** As performed by THE FIVEPENNY PIECE to the tune of "Ghost Riders In The Sky": A famous dog once came to town whose christian name was Pete His pedigree was three foot long and his looks were hard to beat And as he sauntered down, 'twas beautiful to see His work on every corner, his work on every tree He watered every gateway, he watered every post For piddling was his masterpiece, yes, piddling was his boast The city dogs stood looking on in deep and jealous rage To see this simple country dog, the piddler of the age Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete His work on every corner, his work on every tree They sniffed him over one by one, they smelled him two by two But noble Pete in high disdain stood still till they were through They sniffed him over once again, their praise for him was high But when one sniffed him underneath, Pete piddled in his eye Then just to show the other dogs he didn't give a damn He sauntered into Crotty's and piddled on their ham He piddled on the onions, he piddled on the floor And when our Eddie kicked him out, he whoopsied on the door Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete His work on every corner, his work on every tree Behind him all the city dogs debated what to do So they had a piddling carnival to see the stranger through They showed him all the piddling posts they knew around the town And started out with many a wink to wear our hero down Pete was with 'em every time, with vigor and with vim A thousand piddles more or less were just the same to him All along went noble Pete with hind leg kicking high Most were lifting legs in bluff or piddling mighty dry Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete His work on every corner, his work on every tree On and on went noble Pete, he watered every sandhill Till all the city piddling champs were piddled to a standstill Then Pete an exhibition gave on all the ways to piddle Like little drips and double drops and then the fancy dribble And all this time the country dog did neither wink nor grin Gayly piddled out of town as he had piddled in The city dogs said, "So long, Champ, you're piddling got us beat" And they have never seen the like of good old Piddling Pete Piddling Pete, Piddling Pete His work on every corner, his work on every tree And they have never seen the like of good old Piddling Pete! ******************** ALTERNATE VERSION: "REX, THE DIABETIC DOG" A farmer's dog came into town, his christian name was Runt A noble pedigree had he, noblesse oblige his stunt And as he trotted down the street, 'twas beautiful to see His work at every corner and his work at every tree He watered every gateway, too, and never missed a post For piddling was his specialty and piddling was his boast They city curs looked on amazed with deep and jealous rage To see a simple country dog, the piddler of the age Then all the dogs from everywhere were summoned by a yell To sniff the country stranger o'er and judge him by his smell Some thought that he a king might be, beneath his tail a rose So every city dog drew nigh and sniffed it up his nose They smelled him over one by one, they smelled him two by two And noble Runt, in high disdain, stood still 'til they were through Then just to show the whole shebang he didn't care a dam' He trotted to a grocery store and piddled on a ham He piddled in a mackerel keg, he piddled on the floor And when the grocer kicked him out, he piddled through the door Behind him all the city dogs lined up with instinct true To start a piddling carnival and see the stranger through They showed him every piddling post they had in all the town And started in, with many a wink, to pee the stranger down They sent for champion piddlers who were always on the go Who sometimes did a piddling stunt or gave a piddling show They sprung these on him suddenly when midway in the town Runt only smiled and polished off the ablest, white and brown For Runt was with them every trick, with vigor and with vim A thousand piddlers more or less were all the same to him So he was wetting merrily with hind legs kicking high When most were hoisting legs in bluff and piddling mighty dry Then on and on Runt sought new grounds, by piles of scrap and rust 'Til every city dog went dry and only piddled dust But ever on went noble Runt, as wet as any rill And all the champion city pups were peed to a standstill Then Runt did freehand piddling with fancy flirts and frills Like "double drip" and "gimlet twist" and all those graceful things And all the time this country dog did never wink nor grin But piddled blithely out of town as he had piddled in The city dogs a convention held to ask, "What did defeat us?" But no one ever put them wise that Runt had diabetes! ******************** ALTERNATE AUSTRALIAN VERSION: Piddling Pete, a disreputable breed of a hound Accompanied his Master everywhere about town To social events and gatherings, or just paying the rent Piddling Pete marked the way with his very own scent At every post, pillar or street poles Pete never missed anything in the evening strolls When the master stopped to bid the time of day Pete cut short the talk, by giving a spray Peak hour crowds Pete liked the best The busy intersections, he had more legs to wet Sometimes Pete caused quite a riot Stocking legs Pete just had to try it Sometimes Master went for a drive in his car Mostly to out of the way hotel bars Pete had a whale of a time, on tree and tyre Plus one old lady, who thought her leg was on fire Most ladies though, found Pete rather cute Until they found, he was a piddling brute Showed his affection by wagging his tail They became victims of his scented trail On the beach, sunbakers were Pete�s delight He could christen their heads and dash out of sight Master ignored that, Pete belonged With a far away gaze, when Pete was wrong When Pete accompanied Master to the local dog show Where pooches and poodles where all in toe Pete gained the canines attention by sitting up to beg Then calmly got them on side, before cocking his leg He reduced opposition by spoiling their coats Pete always liked to be first past the post These pampered pooches had something to fear When Pete cocked his leg to aim his spraying gear The paper reader, on benches in parks Were mostly Pete�s victims to play his larks Being rudely interrupted, by the feel of damp When Pete went into action, on the leg of their pants Pete was friendly with neighbourhood cats Being playful without getting scratched They played with Pete without fear All finished up with pee in their ear Pete had an enemy, the old lady next door Caught Pete spraying her flowers, and got sore She tanned Pete�s rear with a branch of wattle Each morning Pete baptised her milk bottles Pete became a hero of his end of the street Was mentioned in �Dog of the Week� By stopping a hold-up at the local store While peeing on feet on a slippery floor (Transcribed by Mel Priddle - March 2018)

    





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