THE PIG AND THE INEBRIATE (aka THE PIG SONG - 1935)
(Words: Clarke Van Ness / Music: F. Henri Klickmann)


Ed McCurdy - 1956


'Twas an evening in October, I'll confess I wasn't sober
I was carting home a load with manly pride
When my feet began to stutter and I fell into the gutter
And a pig came up and lay down by my side
Then I lay there in the gutter and my heart was all a-flutter
Till a lady, passing by, did chance to say
"You can tell a man that boozes by the company he chooses"
Then the pig got up and slowly walked away
Walked away, walked away
He was really too particular to stay
"You can tell a man that boozes by the company he chooses"
Then the pig got up and slowly walked away

I began to scratch the gravel, on my all fours I did travel
I rambled down the road the best I could
When I awoke next morning, just as the day was dawning
I was in a hog pen away out in the woods
Then the hogs began to grumble, I started and I stumbled
I fell right in their midst and there I lay
Then one by one they started, till all the herd departed
Yes, every hog got up and walked away
Walked away, walked away
They were really too particular to stay
Then one by one they started, till all the herd departed
Yes, every hog got up and walked away

Now lately I've been thinking that I will quit my drinking
I'm going to leave off whiskey, beer and grog
For there's no consolation, but only aggravation
When you can't even find friendship with a hog! 

++++++++++

EXTRA VERSES:

 
Then I heard a gentle mooing, it was like a pigeon cooing
As a home returning cow stopped in her stride
And her eyes were big and gentle, her expression sentimental
As she curtsied low and sat down by my side
Then I saw her eyelids flutter and a tear fell in the gutter
As the owner of the cow did loudly say
"Leave that brute this moment, Sonja, or your milk will curdle on ya"
Then the cow got up and slowly walked away
Walked away, walked away
She was really too particular to stay
"Leave that brute this moment, Sonja, or your milk will curdle on ya"
Then the cow got up and slowly walked away
 
Then the moon began to shine in that old gutter I reclined in
Thinking of the weakness of the human race
When a dog sat down beside me, and I thought he came to chide me
Till he gently licked the stubble on my face
In the gutter, still reclining, I began "Sweet Adeline"-ing
While the dog raised up his head to loudly bay
Then his mistress said, "Come, Fido, that disgusting man may bite you"
Then the dog got up and slowly walked away
Walked away, walked away
He was really too particular to stay
Then his mistress said, "Come, Fido, that disgusting man may bite you"
Then the dog got up and slowly walked away
 
Down the street there came a-clatter, and a gentle pitter-patter
As a pair of goats along the gutter ran
And it seemed that Billy knew me, for he quickly drew up to me
While his wife munched on an empty sardine can
Then again my pulse did flutter, and my heart was soft as butter
Till the Nanny goat, unto her mate, did say
"William dear, your social status don't include men such as that is"
Then the goat got up and slowly walked away
Walked away, walked away,
He was really too particular to stay
"William dear, your social status don't include men such as that is"
Then the goat got up and slowly walked away
 
Then I started in to mutter and I rose up from the gutter
Then I sadly went about my lonely way
I was weary, sick and busted, I was really quite disgusted
And I vowed to sign the pledge that very day
For each humble, lowly creature, a great lesson he can teach ya
Like the one learned while I in the gutter lay
In the tavern, do not tarry, when you've got all you can carry
But take up your load and slowly walk away
Walk away, walk away
For the 'Horrors' is an awful price to pay
In the tavern, do not tarry, when you've got all you can carry
But take up your load and slowly walk away
 





(Contributed by Mel Priddle - September 2011)