RIGHT SAID FRED
(Ted Dicks / Myles Rudge)


Bernard Cribbens - 1962






"Right" said Fred
"Both of us together
One each end and steady as we go"


Tried to shift it
Couldn't even lift it
We was gettin' nowhere, and so
We 'ad a cup o' tea and


"Right" said Fred
"Give a shout to Charlie"
Up comes Charlie from the floor below


After strainin'
Heavin' and complainin'
We was gettin' nowhere, and so
We 'ad a cup o' tea and


Charlie had a think and he thought we ought
To take off all the 'andles
And the things what 'eld the candles
But it did no good
Well I never thought it would


"Alright" said Fred
"Have to take the feet off"
To get them feet off wouldn't take a mo


Took its feet off
Even took the seat off
Should have got us somewhere, but no!


So Fred said "Let's 'ave another cup o' tea"
And we said "Right-oh"


"Alright" said Fred
"Have to take the door off
Need more space to shift the so-and-so"


Had bad twinges
Takin' off the 'inges
And it got us nowhere, and so
We 'ad a cup o' tea and


"Right" said Fred
"Have to take the wall down
That there wall is gonna have to go"


Took the wall down
Even with it all down
We was gettin' nowhere, and so
We 'ad a cup o' tea and


Charlie had a think and he said "Look Fred
I've got a sort of feelin'
If we remove the ceilin'
With a rope or two
We could drop the blighter through"


"Alright" said Fred
Climbin' up a ladder
With his crowbar gave a mighty blow


Was he in trouble
Half a ton of rubble
Landed on the top of his dome!


So Charlie and me 'ad another cup o' tea
And then we went 'ome


SPOKEN:
I said to Charlie, we'll just have to leave it standin' on the landin', that's all. You see the trouble with Fred is, he's, he's too 'asty. Now you never get nowhere if you're too 'asty.


 
(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - June 2008)