SELWYN FROGGITT (NEVER MIND)
Title song from the TV series "Oh No It's Selwyn Froggitt" (1976-77)
(Bill Dean)


Bill Dean & Chorus - 1976
The Tony Mansell Singers - 1977




SERIES ONE (1976)

EPISODE ONE
Selwyn Froggitt is his name (Never mind)
Digging is his game (Never mind)
He is like a human mole when he digs a hole
And he'll drive us up the pole, but never mind

He stands out on his own (Never mind)
He's accident prone (Never mind)
Though he makes your blood run cold
And you think he's brash and bold
He has got a heart of gold, so never mind
(So never mind)

Now that I've enjoyed (Never mind)
The world is his toy (Never mind)
To him life is just to play, every day's a holiday
He's in everybody's way, but never mind

You've seen Selwyn do his stuff (Never Mind)
He's ready and he's rough (Never mind)
He has wrecked the hot dog stall
The dart board's gone and all
The urinal's off the wall, but never mind
(So never mind)


EPISODE TWO
Here he comes again (Never mind)
Like an express train (Never mind)
He has got a favourite trick
He moves boulders at a flick
With his shovel and his pick, but never mind
(So never mind)

We're all sobered up (Never mind)
He's always teasing Taff (Never mind)
He is really at his peak when he see the firey leak
And he drives us up the creek, but never mind

He's as daft as a bat (Never mind)
Committee's had him on the mat (Never mind)
At him they threw the book
He gave that old-fashioned look
Still they let him off the hook
(So never mind)


EPISODE THREE
Selwyn's gone berserk (Never Mind)
With his committee work (Never mind)
It makes Selwyn's day when they let him have his say
But he's better out the way, so never mind
(So never mind)

Now he's on the showbiz scene (Never mind)
He thinks he's Hughie Green (Never mind)
Life is never dull and the concert room is full
Oh, but that's a lot of bull, but never mind

He thinks he knows the facts (Never mind)
About booking top-line acts (Never mind)
He gives all the stars a ring
That can act or dance or sing
Now he's even after Bing, but never mind
(So never mind)


EPISODE FOUR
Selwyn thinks he's scored (Never mind)
Planning trips abroad (Never mind)
Stratford is his aim
To share in Shakespeare's fame
The Committee knows his game, so never mind
(So never mind)

He had no luck (Never mind)
His trip cam unstuck (Never mind)
It cost him very dear when his coach did not appear
And the boys drank all his beer, but never mind

His Mum went really spare (Never mind)
When she found her larder bare (Never mind)
She said, "Selwyn, you're a clot
You really should be shot
Your Committee's eat the lot, never mind"
(So never mind)


EPISODE FIVE
It's Selwyn once again (Never mind)
Looking for a drain (Never mind)
With his plans he's on the go
He's searching high and low
But he really doesn't know, never mind
(So never mind)

He has made some awful dents (Never mind)
There's a crater in the Gents (Never mind)
There's old folks square and round
Scarsdale's like a battleground
And the greenhouse might fall down, but never mind
(So never mind)


EPISODE SIX
Now, Selwyn had a special call (Never mind)
To attend a Civic Ball (Never mind)
The ticket said "For Two"
But to him girls are taboo
Oh, whatever will he do, never mind
(So never mind)

The Committee was grilled (Never mind)
When his questionaire they filled (Never mind)
But they didn't dot the i's, or they must have told some lies
Because Vera was the prize, never mind

Selwyn looked a little beaut (Never mind)
In his smart magician's suit (Never mind)
When they all got up to dance
Two white doves flew from his pants
It put Vera in a trance, never mind
(So never mind)


********************


SERIES TWO (1977)

EPISODE ONE
If you're seeking worldly fame, never mind
Selwyn Froggitt knows that game, never mind, no never mind
There's excitement in his eyes as he's looking for first prize
If the prize is custard pies, never mind

If your dreams have gone astray, never mind, no never mind
There is still another day, never mind, no never mind
If your plans are all askew and you don't know what to do
Except sit down and follow through, never mind, no never mind


EPISODE TWO
Selwyn always has a go, never mind, no never mind
When he's putting on a show, never mind, no never mind
His intentions are sublime, he is trying all the time
And trying is no crime, never mind, no never mind

Selwyn Froggitt's on the go, never mind, no never mind
Just like Michaelangelo, never mind, no never mind
He is never one to lurk 'round the corner, or to shirk
Now it's 'Danger! Man At Work', never mind, no never mind


EPISODE THREE
Oh, a day trip to the sea, never mind, no never mind
Makes you feel so young and free, never mind, no never mind
Every Jack and every Jill will eat and drink his fill
And if Selwyn pays the bill, never mind, no never mind

When you're working for a cause, never mind, no never mind
It is hard to win applause, never mind, no never mind
It's a very bumpy ride, you will labour far and wide
And if God's not on your side, no never mind

You can often win the day, never mind, no never mind
Maybe not the shortest way, never mind, no never mind
Selwyn's critics must rescind, he just set to work and grinned
Now he's blowing in the wind, never mind, no never mind


EPISODE FOUR
Selwyn Froggitt's back again, never mind, no never mind
In the sunshine and the rain, never mind, no never mind
If you're looking for a friend on whom you can depend
You'll find Selwyn is the end, but never mind, no never mind

Selwyn Froggitt's on the move, never mind, no never mind
Selwyn Froggitt's in the groove, never mind, no never mind
When he's riding on his luck, heading straight into the muck
Well, the best thing is to duck, never mind, no never mind

Selwyn's got a heart of gold, never mind, no never mind
If he makes your blood run cold, never mind, no never mind
Like in all the pantomimes, when the hour of midnight chimes
He is still behind the times, never mind, no never mind


EPISODE FIVE
England need not be afraid, never mind, no never mind
Private Froggitt's on parade, never mind, no never mind
He believes a first time whack is the best form of attack
If he's leading from the back, never mind, no never mind

Private Froggitt will not shirk, never mind, no never mind
>From the spirit of Dunkirk, never mind, no never mind
See him answer Britain's call when it's backs against the wall
If there's no one there at all, never mind, no never mind

He's maintaining his retreat, never mind, no never mind
When Private Froggitt's on the beat, never mind, no never mind
He's a most courageous man, he will leap as best he can
>From the fire to frying pan, never mind, no never mind


EPISODE SIX
If you're very much in love, never mind, no never mind
Cooing like a turtle dove, never mind, no never mind
When your heart is light as air, it's as well to be aware
There's a somebody who cares, never mind, no never mind

There is nought as queer as folk, never mind, no never mind
Being worried is no joke, never mind, no never mind
When there's something on your mind, you will very often find
It is cruel to be kind, never mind, no never mind

When the mystery's amiss, never mind, no never mind
Now and then it ends in bliss, never mind, no never mind
True love sometimes finds a way, whatever people say
Keep your family out the way and never mind, no never mind  


EPISODE SEVEN
Oh, a funny thing is fate, never mind, no never mind
You can't tell what lies in wait, never mind, no never mind
Keep the left hand in your sight, they will get you with the right
>From the very greatest height, never mind, no never mind

Now, the true love of a brother, never mind, no never mind
Is as bad as any other, never mind, no never mind
He doesn't really seek to shove you up the creek
So say blessed are the weak, never mind

The great day has arrived, never mind, no never mind
And true love has survived, never mind, no never mind
Fixing this and fixing that, you've forgotten where it's at
So just wear the biggest hat and never mind, no never mind

Men can go their different ways, never mind, no never mind
But there's always one who stays, never mind, no never mind
But you'll find there's no disgrace to stay put in the same place
With a smile upon your face, never mind, no never mind



(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - January 2016)