SEVEN DRUNKEN NIGHTS 
(Author Unknown) 


As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where me old horse should be.
I called me wife and I said to her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where me old horse should be.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool and still you cannot see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me.'
'Well, it's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
A saddle on a sow, sure, I never saw before.'

As I went home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door, where me old coat should be
I called me wife and I said to her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where me old coat should be.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool and still you cannot see
That's a woolen blanket that me mother sent to me.'
'Well it's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
But buttons on a blanket, sure, I never saw before.'

As I went home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair, where me old pipe should be
I called me wife and I said to her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair where me old pipe should be.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool and still you cannot see
That's a lovely tin-whistle that me mother sent to me.'
'Well it's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin-whistle shure I never saw before.'

As I came home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beside the bed where me old boots should be
I called me wife and I said to her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beside the bed, where me old botts should be.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool and still you cannot see
They're two lovely flower pots me mother sent to me.'
'Well, it's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
But laces in flower pots sure I never saw before.'

As I came home on Friday night, as drunk as drunk colud be
I saw a head upon the bed where me old head should be
I called me wife and I said to her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bad where me old head should be.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, and still you cannot see
That's a lovely baby boy, me mother sent to me.'
'Well it's many a day I've traveled a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure, I never saw before.'

As I came home on Saturday night, as drunk as drunk could be
I spied two hands upon her breasts, where me old hands should be
I called me wife and I said two her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who's hand's are these upon your breasts, where me old hands should be.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, and still you cannot see
't is nothing but a Living Bra, Jane Russell gave to me.'
'Well it's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
But fingernails on a Living Bra, sure, I never saw before.'

Now when I came home on Sunday night, a little after three
I saw a man running out the door with his pants about his knee
So I called me wife and I said to her: 'Will you kindly tell to me
Who was that man running out the door with his pants about his knee.'
'Oh, you're drunk, you're drunk, you silly old fool, and still you cannot see
't was nothing but the tax collector, the Queen sent to me.'
'Well it's many a night I've traveled, a hundred miles or more
But an Englishnan that could last 'till three, sure, I never saw before.'