SHRINER'S CONVENTION
Ray Stevens
Here they come down main street, drums a flailin' and the sirens a
wailin', what a roar
Bands are a playin' and flags are a waivin, and the Vanguard's and
Motorcycle Corps
Clowns are a clownin' to the crowd and pinchin' every pretty girl who
dares to smile
It's a glorious mess, everybody wears a fez the parade stretches out
for a mile
Chorus
It's a typical American phenomenon where all the members have a fine
old time
It's the forty-third annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine
Girls
Meanwhile back at the Motel.....
Spoken
"Hello, Operator, give me room 321, please, thank you Hello, Noble
Lumpkin? This here is the illustrious Potentate. I said it's the
illustrious Potentate. The illustrious...Coy! Dad blame it! This
here's Bubba! Coy, why an't you at the parade?! What?! Well, how'd you
get that big Harley up there in your room? What?! I can't hear ya'
Coy! Quit revvin' it up, son! Turn it off! Listen I just want you to
know one thing. You have embarrassed us all, the whole Hahira
Delegation! Now I'll see you at the banquet tonight, son. And you be
there Coy, you hear me? Black tie! Seven o'clock! Be there! And Coy,
don't answer the phone, udden udden! Mercy"
Well, it was all arranged by the Ladies Auxiliary in the downtown
Convention Hall
Cold Roast Beef, String Beans, Mashed Potatoes and nine boring
speeches in all
And all the tables looked fine with their Mogen David Wine and
Chrysanthemums on each side
And the Hahira leaders in their rented Tuxedos made the local hearts
swell with pride
Chorus
It's a typical American phenomenon where all the members have a fine
old time
It's the forty-third annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine
Girls
Meanwhile back at the Motel.....
Spoken
"Operator, 321, please. Thank You. Hello, Coy? What are you doin'?!
What do you mean, who is this! This is Bubba? Why wasn't you at the
banquet? What do you mean all you had to wear was a Hawaiian flowerdy
shirt? Well, you may think you're foolin' some people, but I know
what's goin' on. Yeah, Ever'body seen the little redhead. That's
right, ever'body! Why she come runnin' right through the dinner, right
in the middle of the pineapple sherbet. Didn't have nothin' on but
your fez, Coy! Coy, you the only one's got a fez with a propeller on
top!! Yeah, yeah and she was a yellin' out the secret code, too, Coy.
Dad blame it we gonna have to change it now, Coy! We gonna have to
have a special meetin', we get back to Hahira, about your conduct at
this here convention. Embarrassin'!! Now Coy, you be at the secret
conclave tonight! You hear me?! And Coy, keep it a secret! Hah!"
Well, it was a secret meeting in the dead of the night with mysterious
sanctimony
In accordance with prescribed rituals of time honored ceremony
Matters of grave concern were weighed with dedicated caution
Like whether or not to raise at stud or draw or spit in the ocean
Chorus
It's a typical American phenomenon where all the members have a fine
old time
It's the forty-third annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine
Girls
Meanwhile back at the Motel.....
Spoken
"Operator, room three-twenty...How'd you know? Oh! Hello! Coy? Where
have you been? No, you wasn't at the meeting! Well, I found out that
at three o'clock this mornin' you was out there in your Fruit of the
Loom's in the motel swimmin' pool with a bunch of them waitresses from
the cocktail lounge! I just hope your mama don't find out about this,
Coy! What? Well, how'd you get that big motorcycle up there on the
high dive, Coy? Now Coy, dad blame it, that ain't no way to act. We
supposed to be pillars of the community. When we get back to Hahira
you can just turn in your ring and your tie tack 'cause Coy, heh-heh,
you are out of the Shrine! You gonna be blackballed, boy! That's
right! You might even have to pack your bags and leave town! What do
you mean you might join the Hell's Angels? Coy! Don't you hang up on
me! Hello, hello...Don't you crank that motorcycle! Who's that
gigglin' in the background, Coy? Hello, hello operator! Yeah, we's cut
off! Rroom 321. Dad blame it Coy! You don't hang up on the illustrious
Potentate! I said the illustrious Potentate! This is Bubba! Bubba!
Coy!............."
(Contributed by boB Cartlidge - January 2004)
