THE BALLAD OF MUK-TUK ANNIE
(Wilf Carter / John Klenner / Bob Miller)

Stompin' Tom Connors - 1974

Also recorded by: Jimmy Arthur Ordge


Yeah, let me tell you the story about Muk-Tuk Annie
Who came South to go to school
With a see-through blouse and sealskin mini
Old Annie sure looked cool
She blew into Montreal in the early fall
Like nothin' they'd ever seen
With long black hair and reindeer underwear
She weighed about two-sixteen
She came a long, long way from Frobisher Bay
People, doncha know now what I mean
She had the boys all cryin' on the distant early warning line
Old Muk-Tuk Annie could really make the scene

Well she told her teacher that she wanted to dance
Said she wanted to study ballet
But she was four-foot-six with her mukluks off
And I heard her teacher say
"Now I ain't sayin' Annie that you can't dance
No, I wouldn't wanna tell you that
But I got a form here signed in triplicate
Says you gotta learn to drive a cab"
She says, "I don't wanna learn to cook or sew
Build boats or drive no cab
'Cause I came South to sing and dance
And groovy shit like that
'Cause I was Miss Baffin Island Beauty Queen
For nineteen-seventy-four
And I spent a whole weekend in Grise Fiord
With the boys beatin' down the door
She came a long, long way from Frobisher Bay
People, doncha know now what I mean
She had the boys all cryin' on the distant early warning line
Old Muk-Tuk Annie could really make the scene

Well she said, "Thank you for your trouble, Sir
But I'll make it on my own
And the word spread through the North like wildfire
"Big Annie's comin' home"
She got off o' the plane with a record player
Ballet slippers on her toes
And she opened up a little groovy club
Where ev'rybody comes and goes
She got Old Stompin' Tom on the record player
And she serves good booze and grub
And the folks around Baffin Island
Figure it's better'n any old Playboy club
You can drink tea, beer and anti-freeze
Till you fall right off o' your feet
And there's seal flippers and potato chips
When you feel like somethin' to eat
She came a long, long way from Frobisher Bay
People, doncha know now what I mean
She had the boys all cryin' on the distant early warning line
Old Muk-Tuk Annie could really make the scene

Well she packs that joint almost ev'ry night
An' folks come from miles around
And ev'ry night about ten o'clock
All the houselights are turned way down
And suddenly she's on the stage
Wearin' that toothless grin
Short fat Annie, the Goddess o' Love
And she's gonna do her Dance of Sin
Well she jumps and shouts, and huffs and puffs
And does a little bump and grind
And all she's wearin' is them ptarmigan feathers
Scotch-taped to her behind

Well she made about a hundred grand last year
Which wasn't too bad at all
And decided to take a little holiday
So she flew down to Montreal
It seems she ran into her teacher there
You know, the one that she met before
And she gave him a job tendin' the bar
And takin' tickets at her Nightclub door
She come a long, long way from Frobisher Bay
People, doncha know now what I mean
She had the boys all cryin' on the distant early warning line
Old Muk-Tuk Annie could really make the scene
Let me tell ya now, Muk-Tuk Annie could really make the scene
Let me tell ya now, Muk-Tuk Annie could really make the scene


(Transcribed by Mel Priddle - August 2005)


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THE BALLAD OF MUKTUK ANNIE
A Poem By Eric Linden


There`s many a tale of the Great White North
And you thought you'd heard them all,
But there's one more story that needs to be told,
And it isn't a barroom brawl.
It's of Muktuk Annie who owned that joint –
She'd headline the show now and then,
With those ptarmigan feathers on her behind
She danced like an Arctic hen!
`Way back in the days when she was young
And headed for Montreal,
The government sent her to learn drivin' truck
But Annie enjoyed a pub-crawl.
There weren't many roads in Pangnurtung,
The prospect of getting some – small.
So drivin' a truck? Up in Pangnurtung?
That didn't make sense at all!

She really wanted to sing and dance –
Become a great opera star.
But drivin' a truck – there wasn't a chance…
Just look how she strums a guitar.
She packed up her things in a sealskin bag,
Her mittens and mukluk boots,
Then boarded a plane leavin' Montreal
She headed back home to her roots.
At first she built an igloo up there
In Pangnurtung's downtown core.
She called it "Big Annie's Bar & Grill",
Rejecting "The Muskox Matador".
Her booze she ordered from Newfoundland,
That genuine homebrewed "Screech",
And drummers came by from miles around,
As far as the word could reach.

On opening night the place was packed,
There wasn't a seat to be had.
The floorshow began at 9 P. M.
Big Annie was driving them mad!
She took up the stage like an opera star,
Proceeded to take off her clothes,
Except for her ptarmigan feathered behind
And the seal flippers worn on her toes.
She grunted and puffed across the whole stage,
All hundred and sixty five pounds.
At 5 foot 4 she wasn't too tall,
Her pirouettes twirled round and round.
The people applauded in frantic rage,
Their yelling and screaming was loud –
They never had witnessed ballet like this,
Not one of them in that big crowd.

Like wildfires ravishing trees down south,
The word of Big Annie flew
Across the vast lands of the Great White North,
And her stature and fame simply grew.
So often you'd hear the call of the wolves
As they howled her name out loud –
It was "Annie, Big Annie," in the still of the night
To the moon or a passing cloud.

Each Inukshuk guarding ravines and draws
Heard the call and they passed it on;
Every hunter who traveled the barren lands
Knew Annie was Queen of the Dawn.
They came from the islands and far-flung bays,
They came from the ends of the world,
They came to witness how Annie danced –
How her ptarmigan feathers twirled.

One day when the ice still covered the bay
And the darkness was spread everywhere,
Still long before the sun would be back
To the land of the Arctic Hare,
Big Annie was closing the Bar and Grill
When a thought sauntered through her mind…
She decided to sell her famous place
And leave this town behind.

She placed a sign at the igloo door –
Which said that the place was "For Sale".
In Pangnurtung the story spread –
You could say it was more like a wail…
From preacher man to the common man
The people were stunned – one and all!
They'd come to know ballet performed
By their very own Muktuk doll.

It didn't take more than a bat of an eye
Till "For Sale" was transformed to "For Sold".
That final performance Big Annie would give
Will forever be rated as gold.
Her audience screamed at the top of their lungs
You'd swear crystal icicles cracked;
She strutted her ptarmigan feathered behind
And oh, how they loved her last act.

Next day, though, she gathered her outfits and rings,
Her seal flipper slippers and fins,
Those endless mementos so dear to her heart –
Stone carvings and ivory pins,
A walrus head trophy from Repulse Bay,
A narwhal tooth – rare and refined,
And several more treasures. For a moment she wept,
It was almost too much for her mind.

A westwind was blowing the morning she left
But it blew from the west every day.
In mukluks and mittens, a parka with hood
She was ready to get under way.
All Pangnurtung came; they waved long goodbyes
To the Muktuk, their Queen of the Dawn.
Like frozen inukshuks – immobile and numb
They watched till her light was long gone.

Her komatik held almost all she possessed
Wrapped snug and securely tied down.
Up front was a brand new Skidoo which she bought
From the snowmobile dealer in town.
Big Annie's new goal lay in Frobisher Bay
Where the lights twinkled shiny and bright.
Her mind was made up: it was politics now
And she smiled at the thought of a fight.


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